you | b.e

chapter 14- time

JUNIPER

it was still dark out when juniper woke up from movement in the bed. she pulled the sheets tighter around her body from the cold when she felt billie pulling her hand away.

seeing billie run her hand through her blue hair stirred feelings from inside of her. she sat in silence without much movement for a while, worrying juniper a little.

all she could hear was the harsh breathing coming from her lips and it made juniper want to reach out and ask if she was okay. she wanted to see how things turned out and if billie would just come back to sleep.

after a few minutes of watching billie sit at the edge of the bed with her head in her hands juniper moved the blankets off of her. she crawled up behind billie and wrapped her arms around her neck.

she planted kisses on the bare skin that the shirt revealed.

"what's going on up there, bub?", her voice was soft and soothing as her fingers traced the ink patterns she's faintly memorized on billie's chest.

"i— nothing.. go back to sleep.", billie whispered back, turning her head to press her lips to juniper's cheek.

juniper didn't want to leave billie's side at all when they arrived back at the singer's condo. not wanting to leave thinking billie would disappear again, nothing but a whisper in the air and the faintest touch.

just like at the grave, though she didn't know what billie was going to do about that.

"what's wrong?", something was troubling her and that much was obvious, just what was it.

"that night the ambulance crashed.. it's just implanted in my head and sometimes i get nightmares about it.", juniper's eyes furrowed, she hasn't had the chance to hear what the full story was since she's gone on several rampages.

"what happened that day anyway?", she asked carefully, not knowing if it was a touchy subject.

billie sighed and leaned back into the pillows after stacking them. she brought juniper back with her by the hand, moving so juniper sat on her lap.

"they were taking to me the hospital obviously. and this big ass truck just rams into it and completely fuckin' destroys the thing. everybody in it died but me, i can't help but think it's my fault. i didn't see the other guys' face but this one paramedic was sitting next to me talking to his friend then all of sudden he's gone and i'm laying down on the roof of the overturned ambulance, crying and screaming with half of the car gone. everything was in flames and i remember that i couldn't think of any other time i wanted to die."

she swallowed harshly as her eyes focused on juniper's body, but she wasn't looking at her, it was like she was looking through her. reminiscing something she blamed herself for.

"and my leg.. it looked like somebody put it in a blender. i wanted to throw up or throw myself into a river. i didn't want to be alive because i cost 3 people their lives. i didn't know if they had a family or kids or anythin'. all i could think about was if they had a future or not or what it felt like for the family to receive news that they died or some shit."

juniper grabbed billie's hand that was clenching and releasing. she brought it up to her lips, kissing it once, then a second time.

"they saved my life.. twice. once with the shot they injected me with for my overdose.. and when danny pulled the straps from the bed i was in. i would've been sliced open if he didn't.", the singer's eyes seem to darken further somewhere in the middle of that sentence, her teeth grinding against each other frustratingly.