Not Her

Chapter 11

It's just an excuse, and Obi-Wan knows it.

"The plan didn't kriffing work." Anakin stands and paces to the window, "Ahsoka's going to be off the field for months, and you weren't exactly in the best health after Hardeen's attack, so who's going to save the Chancellor now?"

"Mace took up the mission as Hardeen." Obi-Wan says, not moving any closer to the Knight. "He's officially on meditative retreat."

Anakin scoffs, "That explains why I managed to get off Orondia alive."

He looks over his shoulder at Obi-Wan, "I guess nobody loves Windu enough to give a convincing reaction to his death, is that right?"

"I wasn't involved." Obi-Wan says.

"Here I was thinking the Jedi Order shuns attachment and yet they were relying on my reaction to confirm your death. Seems ironic."

It is.

"Where's the real Hardeen?"

Obi-Wan's face hardens, "I'm not going to tell you, Anakin. Killing him will not bring back Ahsoka's leg."

Anakin watches the rain drizzling against the window, "No, but it'll deter others from trying to hurt her."

"You can't protect her from everything." He walks over to the Knight and cautiously rests a hand on his shoulder, says, "I know this is a lot to take in, and I truly don't know how to apologise-"

"I'm not the one you need to apologise to." Anakin spits, whirling around and knocking his hand away, "I'm not the one with a spinal injury, amputated leg, paralysed arm and inpatient depression."

"Then again," he scoffs, "no amount of apologising will help Ahsoka right now."

He's right. Maybe Ahsoka would be better off if Obi-Wan did die.

His hand twitches besides his lightsaber, and for a second, Obi-Wan considers it.

As soon as he thinks it, the lightsaber is pulled from his belt and lands in Anakin's outstretched hand. Selfishness washes over Obi-Wan as his former student glares at him.

"If you did it, I would have to do it too. Right now, Ahsoka needs me here, and she needs you too."

///

Anakin feels himself trembling, and it's not from anger.

Keeping his eyes on Obi-Wan's blank expression, he tosses the lightsaber to the couch and then does the same with his own.

They aren't Jedi right now.

Without breaking eye contact, Anakin steps towards his mentor, feels cracks surfacing in his friend's Force-signature. He takes Obi-Wan's shoulders and lowers them to the floor before his brother breaks down in his arms.

Obi-Wan tries to pull away, but Anakin doesn't let him. He pushes his friend's head into his shoulder and starts to feel the sobs racking through his body. Anakin can only think of one thing to say.

"I would've been shattered if Hardeen killed you, Obi-Wan, even if you only faked your death. It would've broken me beyond repair."

He's already lost his mother. Losing someone else would truly destroy him.

He gently prods at Obi-Wan's mental shields as the great Negotiator falls apart. The guilt is overpowering like a bitter root whose taste can't be washed away with water or wine.

Beneath the guilt is a darkness which Anakin is familiar with; the same feelings he experienced in the time surrounding his mother's death.

Obi-Wan's mind has always been comforting to Anakin's internal storm, but now he's the one in need of support. Anakin gladly provides.