So Gone (Ed Sheeran)

Just me, myself and my shadow.

   Moving on was such a hard concept to understand. It meant letting go of something that was already gone. It meant living life as if you hadn't lost what you thought you'd have all your life. Perhaps was it the reason why most people found it difficult to move on, because it was such a paradoxical notion. It was something we found so absurd that we didn't believe it could happen and change our lives for the better.

   I knew I didn't believe in moving on. At least, not in the way everybody did move on.

   I didn't want to find a lover, someone that would somehow replace her. I didn't think we needed love to live happily. It just added someone to share that happiness with.

   The more time passed, the more I found myself writing songs and actually feeling alive. I had found a goal, too. I wanted Flora's coffee shop to survive. I wanted its owner to be happy and see how proud of her her mother would be if she was still there. I knew it was weird since I had only met her a few weeks ago, but this place gave me a home when I didn't think I could find one again.

   I had noticed that lately, some people began to pay attention to me when I played in pubs. I wasn't famous, and I would probably never be, but it felt great. It gave me hope and a good reason not to give in to my old habits.

   In the last few weeks, I had spent most of my time with Flora, talking about how we could save the café. We had ideas, but none of them seemed achievable. It would take too long, and she didn't have enough money to keep it running for more than two months.

"You know what? I think I could play here. I'd bring a few friends who'd tell their friends and so on, and it might be good for this place." I said suddenly, looking up at her.

   I had been trying to write a song in the café while Flora had been analysing the financial issues she had to face for a few hours, completely silent.

    Her head shot up. "You don't owe anything to this place, Ed. I have nothing to offer you." She said softly.

"You know I wouldn't accept anything from you." Her gaze weighted a ton when it landed on me.

   I hadn't been able to stop thinking about how Flora would lose her home the moment she couldn't afford to run the café anymore. I bet she was barely making both ends meet.
So are you.

   I had been homeless for a few weeks a couple of years ago. And I didn't wish that to anybody, particularly to her. All she wanted was to make this family business work, and it was a respectable cause to defend.

   What I loved the most about her wasn't that she was so passionate about this place, which still was lovely, but she didn't remind me of anyone. She was her true self, she was unique.

    I hadn't told her about anything, I didn't want pity, but most of all, I didn't want to re-open the wounds. I didn't want to be vulnerable anymore, even if it was human. I was just afraid that my strengths wouldn't be enough to compensate the vulnerability I hadn't let out in a year.

   I still had a lot of sleepless nights. I still wished I hadn't let anything get to me so badly. I still wrote songs about her, but it wasn't what my life was built around anymore. I had found what I wanted to do with myself.

"Get out of it, Ed!" Flora said, half a smile on her face. I knew she tried to hide her feelings, her fears so I wouldn't worry. I could hear her sharp breaths every time she opened a letter that most likely contained bad news. However, I never said anything because I hated seeing her ashamed when it wasn't justified. No one should have been ashamed of what life threw their way.

"I've done it again? Sorry." I breathed out. I realized I came to zone out a lot recently, thing I hadn't done so much in the past. And I didn't know whether it was a good thing or not.