A Disaster Waiting to Happen

Stop Ovary Acting

Recap:
CHRIS!" I totally forgot about the bastard that is still sleeping in my bed because he was a lazy ass and didn't want to go find his own room...and you know what's the worst thing about this situation?

The blood stain? No. That is something my mom wouldn't care about that much. But Chris sleeping peacefully half naked on my bed? That is whole other story.

I needed God and all his angels to help me explain this to my mom.

And I kid you not, I almost died trying.

************
Chapter 5

"Chris you really need to wake up now!" I whisper yelled as my mom paced the room.

"Ummm, no I'm still tired" He said tiredly, he seriously needed to stop talking in that voice before I jumped him.

" Chris I'm serious, my mom is here and we have a major problem." He decided that he would not get up, so I did the only thing that I could think of.

I bit him.

"Oww, Shit! Maddie you really need to stop that. I'm awake now OK?", He said rolling out of the bed.

As soon as he got up I pulled the sheets over the stain because lets just say that would very embarrassing.

"Ok I'm up now what do you want " he said, "Oh hi Maddie's mom"

"Don't 'Hi' me Christopher, what you should be doing is explaining why you and my daughter are sleeping together....sexually" she said, whispering at the end.

"Um...excuse me Mrs. Ryder, but I think you're confused" he said, confused himself.

"Oh yeah, then please explain to me why there is a stain on the bed and you are barely clothed with my daughter", mom replied.

Now completely confused, and to my utter horror, Chris finally decided to pull back the sheets and look at the suspicious stain that my mother was talking about. What he did next literally made me want to curl up in a corner and die.

He laughed.

Yep.

That's right.

Once again he laughed. For a good 5 minutes he would not stop laughing, even when I begged him to stop.

When he finally regained his composure I ordered him to put clothes on and furiously kicked him out of my room.

I then realized that I had to face the devil herself and explain this whole embarrassing morning.

Great.

****************
After my mother had finally understood what happened, I was extremely annoyed and she left, but not without saying that we couldn't forget that graduation was the next day.

"Why is the world so cruel? She says while crying internally", I said to myself.

I made my way downstairs after my short monologue about graduation, and I was surprised to see that Chris made no effort in trying to make breakfast.

NOT.

Of course his lazy ass would wait for me to come downstairs and do it.

As soon as I walked in the kitchen Chris's head snapped up and he look at me with his signature smirk. I already knew what he was going to do.

"Hoe don't do it," I said cautiously.

"I won't, I just think period jokes are so bloody annoying", he said with a smile.

Once he started he wouldn't stop.

"Seems like you still got a few bloody days."

"Shut up."

" At least it will be over in a short period of time."

"Seriously, shut up Payton before I kill you."

"What did on tampon say to the other tampon?"

"......."

"Oh come on, please?"

"What?"

"Nothing. They were both stuck up bitches", he said while cracking up. It wasn't even that funny.

"I hate you", I replied.

"I'm going way ovary top with these puns", he said before I smacked him with a spatula.

"I'm leaving, make yourself some damn cereal, or starve for all I care!" I shouted.

"Wait! I'm sorry I'll stop, I promise", he answered while still smiling.

After returning to the kitchen, I decided to make Nutella pancakes. Nutella is seriously the best thing that the humans have created. I am completely obsessed with it, and if I could marry it, I probably would.

It sure is better than this dumbass.

After I finished eating my delicious pancakes, I told Chris that I needed to go to the mall to pick up gifts for graduation.

He insisted that he needed to come with me no matter how many times I told him no. After about 10 minutes of arguing I finally gave in.

There was a mall close by the house so we drove there. It was pretty big and I knew that it would be a while before we would leave.

For the first few hours in the mall, I just searched for the perfect little gifts that my friends would keep and remember for the rest of their lives.

It was really sad, but exciting to be graduating. Knowing these people for years and seeing them almost every day, and then most likely never seeing them again, is scary to think about.

Chris really didn't seem to mind, mostly because he was on his phone not paying attention, and following me into every store.

Just to mess with him, I walked into Victoria's Secret, and not once did Chris look up. After a few minutes of him not paying attention to where we were, I thought my plan had failed.

Suddenly his head snapped up and shocked, he said "Maddie what the fuck are we doing in here?"

I smiled inwardly while I replied innocently, "Oh, you know.. I'm just looking around."

Not fazed by my tone he narrowed his eyes at me. Before he could say anything I quickly dashed away from him saying "be right back" over my shoulder.

After I figured that I should probably go back to him, I was horrified to what I saw when I returned.

Chris was holding a dragon printed bra over his eyes and making an extremely loud buzzing noise.

KILL
ME
NOW

"Chris what the hell are you doing", I whisper-yelled.

"Hey look Mads, I'm a dragonfly" he said smiling.

"Stop! People are looking. You're embarrassing me. What are you? Four years old?" I said while observing the judgy faces that middle aged women were giving me.

What he said next made me seriously contemplate murder.

"Lighten up Maddie, stop ovary acting."

Yep I'm gonna kill him.