Find Her, Fix Him

28 | Girl in the crowd

28 | Girl in the crowd

~KHAN~

It's seeing them that does it. The mother and daughter, walking towards me down the high street. The little girl has beads in her hair, and she's holding her mother's hand as she skips down the street. Prattling in that way little kids do about her day at school. Her mother is smiling down at her, and I remember how Maadar used to smile at me. This girl and her mother are heading in the direction of the square- where Emir said that the protest itself would be taking place.

And I have a job to do.

But from the moment I lay eyes on the little girl, I can't stop the unease from creeping up my back.

I'm dressed in a pair of tracksuit bottoms and a loose t-shirt- dark clothes, like Emir said- and trainers that are good for running. It was stressed to me multiple times that nothing should go wrong, but I figured it was smarter to be safe. If this whole thing goes to dust, at least I'll be able to make a get-away.

I don't want to imagine the look in Padar's eyes if he knew that these thoughts were ever inside my head. Get-away. It all sits wrong.

I need to find Bette.

In the week or so since I first met the Justice Seekers and took Bette to dinner, we've made the journey to the back room for meetings together; meeting up at the closest bus stop, and walking the last ten approximate minutes side-by-side, bumping hips. When the meetings are over, usually within an hour, I walk her back to the stop. Never further. I don't know the path she takes home, and she doesn't know mine. We know literally nothing about one another and our lives, and that's fine. It's safer not to know anything. I don't even know if Khalaf is her only brother.

I've kissed her- once. We were sitting side-by-side on the bench beneath the bus stop, and I just leaned over and did it. I wanted to see if I could do it- kiss a girl who wasn't Lilo. I asked her for permission with my eyes first, not wanting to put her in a situation even remotely similar to the one that scarred her forever. She was the one who sealed the kiss, moving her face closer to touch her mouth to mine.

Bette is a good kisser. When we came apart for breath, she held my gaze with her intense brown eyes. If I'd had to guess at the emotions in them at that moment, I would have said something that looked like sadness. She reached up to touch my cheek fleetingly, then moved her hand away. We didn't talk after that until the bus arrived, and we had to part ways.

We haven't spoken about it since, though we do sometimes brush our hands up against eachother's as we walk, and I don't think it's accidental.

It is three minutes to five by the time I catch up to Bette, and the sky is still relatively light. She is standing outside the agreed location, swiping through her phone with a bored look on her face. Looking no different to all the other passers-by who are hustling up and down the high street, intent on getting their business done and making it home in time for their current favourite TV show. Like Emir, this girl has mastered the art of blending in to perfection, and I find this ironic seeing as she scorned me for wanting to fit in with the crowd rather than make a change.

With Bette, I need to see her expression when we meet in order to decide whether or not I should smile in greeting. Today, her eyes show no desire for a smile from me. She is all business, face set, concentrating and focused. We begin walking as soon as I am beside her, crossing the road before heading back down in the direction of the square. The town hall. Where that young girl and her mother were heading.

You don't know if they were going to the square- maybe they made a turn somewhere on the way. The same direction doesn't mean the same destination.