New Beginnings | Shawn Mendes

Chapter Nine

Shawn: I'm outside the apartment. Just let me in, okay?

You hide your face in your palms while taking a few breaths to calm yourself down. You feel your hands shaking slightly while your throat tightens and it gets harder for you to breathe.

You walk towards the front door silently and unlock to let Shawn in. He doesn't smile when he sees you, he gives you a single nod and then he enters the dark apartment. You reach for his wrist and drags him towards your bedroom, feeling faint vibrations run through your body from being in contact with Shawn's warm skin.

For a second, you look at him and he looks directly at you. The tension is hanging thick in the air and it's sour enough for you to almost taste it on the tip of your tongue.

"What is up with you?" Shawn asks and you hurry to shush him when he raises his voice.

It's way too late for you to have company over and you're fully aware. You close the door to your room to avoid waking Tom who's already sound asleep down the hall.

"What do you mean?" You stutter, your eyes flickering to the floor.

You don't want to look Shawn in the eye, you fear he might sense something and you don't feel like taking that chance. You walk across the floor to create somewhat space between you and Shawn, you feel like it's almost toxic being too close to him. You don't know whether you can control yourself nor your emotions.

"Come on." He sighs and shakes his head in frustration. "Have I done something to offend you?" Shawn leans against the wall while looking at you with a stare you don't know how to describe properly. You feel a coldness running down your spine when you hear his almost fragile words.

"I don't, I..." You choke on your words, unable to finish your sentence.

"Look, I didn't mean to overstep your boundaries when I asked about your father, I'm sorry if I made that uncomfortable for you. It was never my intention." Shawn mumbles and you sense a slight pain in his voice. You feel the lump in your throat grow and it makes you unable to breathe normally.

"No, it's not like that." You assure him, meeting his stare for the first time. "It was fine, you asking about him. It was okay."

"Then why are you avoiding me?" He asks you and you have to force yourself to keep looking at him. "You don't have a problem hanging out with Brian, so I must have done something."

You can tell Shawn is upset, he doesn't want you to withdrawal from the friendship you're building and you feel bad for having him thinking he's done something that is making you avoid him.

You want his friendship, you want to be a part of his life but you also need some time to get over how you feel for him.

You force a breath into your sore lungs, shutting your eyes for a second or two and then, you take a few steps towards him. You let out a sigh while Shawn watches your moves carefully.

"I'm sorry." You tell him, biting into your tongue. "I guess I just need some time to figure out how to fit into all of this. How to act around you. Didn't exactly count on befriending someone famous." You lie straight to his face.

It's a rather bad lie, but you are under pressure and can't think of anything else. Shawn wrinkles his forehead and a frown appears between his brows.

"I want you to treat me like you did when we met. Completely normal, like I'm just any other guy." Shawn says and he sounds almost begging. "I want us to be friends. I like hanging out with you."

"I'm sorry, Shawn. I'm being weird." You mumble and swallow the lump in your throat. You force air into your lungs to calm down. "Everything is overwhelming, with the move and all. I want us to be friend as well." The words hurt your chest when they roll from your tongue.