Hurt So Good (Kylo Ren x Reader)

This Is Nothing

You were reeling. You couldn't believe that 1. Kylo was going to leave Diane, especially the way he planned to do it, and 2. that he hadn't mentioned it to you. It really seemed like the type of thing that would come up in conversation between two people in an affair. Not that it would change anything, most likely, but it would have at least subsided your guilt a little bit. And though you betrayed her every time you not only thought about Kylo but also laid hands on him, you truly considered Diane a friend. She was so kind to you, and you couldn't possibly understand why he would have any qualms with her. The waves of guilt you felt were crashing into your mind leaving you with a splitting headache.

When you had returned to the house, you were greeted by one of Kylo's men. That was who he had called in to take care of the baby for the day. You were positive that Dusty found this suspicious, but you didn't have the emotional strength to deal with her. You avoided her as best you could. You took the baby and performed his nightly duties, putting him to sleep promptly. Your eyes were heavy, and you wanted nothing more than to take a bath and go to bed.

So, you did take a bath. A nice, long and luxurious where you soaked in the near boiling water. You hadn't noticed how sore your body was from the previous nights' activities until you undressed and relaxed in the water. And it was a constant reminder of him. He invaded your mind. You thought so many things. You thought about how angry you were at him. You thought about how his hard, muscular body felt against yours. You thought about how he was amoral and evil and unkind. But then you thought about how tender and careful he had been with you. Your mind was torn apart with conflicting feelings. You had never been in a real relationship, so you had never felt strong emotions for anyone before. But you were starting to believe that maybe you did feel something for Kylo beyond lust. Along with the guilt that you felt towards Diane, there had always been a twinge of jealousy and disdain. When he was near you or in your line of vision, you heart would beat faster and you would be nervous. A small, dark part of you had been thrilled when you heard that man talk about Kylo's divorce. But you couldn't allow those feelings to come to the forefront. You would only end up hurt.

After your bath, you dried yourself and crawled into your bed. You didn't bother with clothes, because you didn't have the energy nor the interest in putting them on. You laid in bed unwilling to fall asleep. Kylo's words rang in your head. He had threatened you. He had threatened you after telling you that he would never hurt you. You hadn't even been able to process that yet. You wouldn't dare open your mouth, because of his power. While you had been fucking him on the side, you had forgotten about his social status and who exactly he was, because he was so private. But when you were holding on to his secrets, you were well aware of what he was capable of. It wasn't your place to tell Diane, but part of you did want to tell her. She was your friend after all. You closed your eyes hard and tried to clear your mind. You were on the brink of finally being able to sleep when your phone began to buzz on your night side table. You sighed and leaned over, picking up your phone to see that Kylo had texted you. From his personal number.

"Come to my room."

You scoffed and laid your phone back down beside your head, closing your eyes to try to sleep once more. A few minutes later, the buzzing began again. You contemptuously looked at the phone to read another text from him.

"Please."

It was almost like reading a foreign language. Seeing Kylo Ren say please was something you could barely fathom. And because he said it to you, you felt a soft spot telling you to go see what he wanted. You did want answers, an explanation as to everything that was going on. You laid your phone down, and shook your head as you got out of the bed. You knew this was a bad idea, but you were an addict to his chaotic behavior. You had also never been in his (and Diane's) bedroom. It seemed so personal. You slipped on your pink silk pajama shorts and the matching lacy camisole.