HONESTLY

Alone

The silence was deafening, and I couldn't take it anymore.

"I know I've screwed everything up. I know Lily probably forced you into this arrangement, whatever you want to call this," I said before he interrupted.

"Forced me? No one forced me to do anything. Maybe in your world that happens but..." he said until I interrupted.

"My world? What does that mean?" I said defensively.

"The girl I knew wouldn't lie to anyone. Do you really think I cared that you slept with someone else?" he asked. "You made it sound like you were sitting at home alone at night," he paused, almost like he was talking about himself and could relate. He continued, "Obviously, that wasn't the case."

He glanced down at the ground, "Anyone could see that after you guys performed that night," he admitted.

"So...you did watch?" I said with regret.

"How could I not?"

"I'm sorry about that."

He took another swig of his beer, then stood up without looking at me. He mumbled about how late it was and that he would see me in the morning. I knew not to push him to stay and talk. I had no plan on what to do next, and I wasn't going to jeopardize the small amount of progress we had made in just a few hours by screwing things up by saying the wrong thing.

Nate walked to his bedroom, which was on the first floor, as I rested back with my wine in hand, replaying all the events that occurred after I arrived at his doorstep. I thought about every word, though not many, over and over. 

After finishing my wine and putting my plate away in the kitchen, which was next to the living room, I finally ended up in bed. I tossed and turned in the dark, unable to forget Nate was just below me downstairs. My body ached for him, and I wished he was beside me in bed. I realized I was never going to fall asleep after obsessing over how much I missed him in every way.

I slowly crept down the stairs making sure not to make a sound. As I turned the corner to go into the kitchen, I saw Nate sitting on the couch. His head was leaned back and his eyes were closed. He wore the same sweatpants but had no shirt on as his muscular chest was exposed for me to admire.

I stopped in my tracks as he slept so soundly and quietly. I stared at him for a few seconds. After all those years, this guy still made my heart beat faster. The attraction, physically and emotionally, was almost too much to bear.

"Couldn't sleep?" he said, opening his eyes wide, startling me.

"You're awake," I said, surprised and embarrassed at being caught staring at him.

"You could say that," he said, sitting up. He glanced over at me with his big, brown eyes that I could get lost in for days.

I hesitated not knowing what to do, then I walked over to the couch and sat beside him.

"Do you remember that night when the storms rolled in? We were caught up in the treehouse. The thunder shook, and the lightning seemed like it was right on top of us. I was so scared, but you said you wouldn't let anything ever hurt me," I said.

"I don't know, maybe..." he said, not very convincing that he didn't remember.

"I was trying to protect you. Reed and I were always better off as friends. Our relationship was NEVER like you and me. I just didn't want you to get the wrong idea," I said, trying to reach into his heart and make him understand.

"Don't you think I know that?" he said unexpectedly. Frustrated, he put his fingers through his hair, "It's all I could do to stay down here and not come upstairs to see you," he confessed.