Lure of the Monster

Need Some Time

I woke up the next morning feeling tired, a little weak, but mostly tired. When I rolled over and looked at the clock, I saw that it wasn't even morning. It was heading towards the middle of the afternoon.

I rolled out of bed and shuffled down the hall to the bathroom. I took a quick shower, trying to wake myself up. The night before was a blur. I remembered taking the last round of oxy, or at least I assumed it was oxy. I remembered walking to the bus stop, getting on the bus. There was a man, though I wasn't entirely sure who he was other than being a doctor. I ended up at home and I was pretty sure there was going to be a lecture when I walked down the stairs.

I pulled on a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt before I took a deep breath and headed towards the stairs. Jane was sitting at the kitchen table, her hands wrapped around a coffee mug even though it was mid-afternoon. She stared out the window. I hadn't realized, until then, just how tired she looked. How much she had aged. Alex stood at the counter, his hands resting on the sink.

It was serious if he was home during the day.

"Oh, good," Jane said when she looked in my direction and saw me standing in the doorway. I gave her a smile that was probably more of a grimace. "How do you feel?"

I shrugged, leaning against the wall. "I'm fine."

"I beg to differ," she said as she stood up and put her mug into the sink. I didn't move as she walked over and pressed her hand against my forehead. "You scared us when the school reported that you had left with the Dumont boy. Then, you didn't come home. You didn't answer any of our calls or texts. Do you realize what could have happened if Matthew hadn't found you? What if the police had found you or if you'd overdosed?"

"Don't worry about me," I told her, pulling back from her touch as her hand cupped my cheek. "I'll be eighteen soon and then I won't be your burden anymore."

"You're not a burden, Beckham! We just want to help you. Alex and I were just talking and we think maybe you should have spent more time at the center. Maybe things were too rushed. It may be a good idea to try it again," she said softly.

I shook my head and moved further away from her. "I'm not going back there. You send me back there and I'll make sure that I don't fuck it up this time."

"Don't talk like that, Beck," she whispered.

"We've already made arrangements," Alex said in a tired voice. "They have a bed at a new center and they're highly recommended."

"I don't need a fucking center!" I shouted. "I'm dealing with it how I need to. I didn't overdose, did I? Can't you just trust that I know how much I can handle?"

"But what about us?" Jane cried. "We cannot handle seeing you like this!"

"Like what?" I snapped, crossing my arms over my chest.

"In pain," she choked out, tears streaming down her face.

I felt no pity for her. Didn't they realize that I wasn't in pain when I was getting drunk or high? I could finally forget everything that had happened to me. It was a temporary solution. I wasn't dumb enough or too far gone yet to see that, but it was solving the problem for now and that was all that I needed.

"We just want to help you," Alex said, putting an arm around Jane. "We both feel pain over what happened, but we can only begin to imagine what that must be like for you. If you don't want to talk to us or go to the center, then you need to be taking advantage of what is being provided for you at school. I spoke to the principal and he told me in depth of the plan that they have in place to support you."

"Bullshit," I spat out, shaking my head. "They don't want to support me. They're just trying to make themselves feel better by saying they tried.

"That's not true, Beckham," Alex said, his voice tired.