Everything is Only for You (Complete)

Chapter 34

Sid needs to clear his head and he has no one by his journal to turn to. He opens his diary to start writing down.
I kissed her today. I don't know what has gone into my head. I have been drawn towards her since morning. And today I went too close to her. Is it just an attraction that two people have when they stay in one room, sleep in bed? Or is it more than that? Why do I feel bad when she says that she hates me? Why do I feel angry when I find her in the arms of someone else? Do I repent my actions today? No. I don't. Honestly I so wanted to take her lips into mine. I really wanted to kiss her. But now I feel bad. I feel I am betraying my sister. I am betraying myself. Sana has been right, I am scared of coming closer as I might forget to hate her for what she has done. Yes she was saying the truth about me lying to her, to myself. She is right today, but I am the one who is wrong.
Sana has been like a rainbow. Every time I have seen her, I have found new colours. The first time I had seen her, she appeared so innocent. Next time she behaved like a child. The moments that we spent in the hotel showed me a scared Sana, while fighting with Asim, I saw her fierce look. That night when I had rejected her, I had seen a stubborn girl. After marriage, in these weeks, I have been seeing different shades of that girl. Sometimes sweet, sometimes crazy and her angry sides too. I have been in awe seeing her every time. Maybe in normal life, I would have accepted my feelings for her; I would have accepted that I was falling for her. But..yes there is a but between us. Everything that she had done to me and my family will always remain a barrier between us. I won't be able to accept my feelings or respect her ever because of that. I don't know for how long I can stop myself. How long? I am sorry Sana but you have with your own two hands.....**

"I am sorry Sana but you have with your own two hands...what have I done with my own hands." ,says Sana standing behind Sid. Sid immediately closes his diary and stands up. Sana looks at him and smiles. She says," Say na.." Sid in irritation says," I had told you to go to sleep. What are you doing here?" Sana putting her arms around his neck says," Tumhare bina mujhe neend nahi atti hai.( I can't sleep without you.) I want to beside me..always..Siddy boy." Sid removes her arms and says, "That doesn't mean you will come here and read my diary. Haven't you been taught not to read anyone's personal diary?" Sana laughs and says," Who will teach me? I lost my parents when I was too young and you have seen my Mama and Mami. Unko apne se fursat mile toh mujhe dekhte. So I taught myself everything that I know till date. And by the way I was not reading your diary to know about you. I just wanted to see if you are writing poetry. I was curious just to find out about it. " Sid runs his hands through his hair and says," I am sorry, I didn't mean that way....See I am not writing poetries now. Okay. Now can you go back to bed now." Sana holds his hand and says,"Then Tum chalo.." Sid removes her hold and says," You go to bed. I am coming."

Sana smiles and gets on the bed. Sid puts his diary back in its place and switching off the light, he goes to the bed. Sitting down, he looks at the pillow fallen on the floor. Sana pulls his hand and says,"Please don't go after the pillow again, atleast after what happened between us now." Sid doesn't protest and lies down beside her. Sana puts her head over his arm and says," You know what, you should publish your poems. You are really good. I was really surprised when I heard you today. Out of all people, you, write poems.. I mean, you the one of the most boring person I have seen, in a positive way. I mean who watches English news on Sundays rather than movies or music..Have you shared them to anyone? You should, you know. Actually girls go crazy for good poetries. You could have got yourself many girlfriends with your shayaris. But it is good actually that you don't have any girlfriends. Phir hamari shaadi kaise hoti? ( Then how would our marriage would have commenced) I have toh become your big fan.." Sid says," Sana it's getting late. Just stop talking now please and go to sleep." Sana bites her tongue and closes her eyes. After few minutes, Sid turns to see Sana has fallen asleep. He looks at her and removes her hand and gets up. He picks up the pillow and puts it on the bed.

Going back near the table, he brings out his other diary that he keeps hidden behind some books on the shelf. It is his poetry collection. He switches on the table lamp on the desk and opens the diary. He has been writing them for many years now. Nobody knows about his talent except for Sana now. He has no idea how he spoke it aloud in front of her. She has been after him since then. He smiles thinking about her non-stop blabbering about the poems. She is really mad. No matter how much he tries, he knows the truth. He writes,
"Kaise rokun khudko,
Woh paas jo Hain itne mere.
Dil toh bebass ho chuka hai,
Saath unka jo Mila hai isko.

Nafrat ek chotisi lafaz hai,
Mere dil mein jiski koi jagah nahi.
Pyar bahut badi cheez hai,
Meri zindagi shayad jo shamil nahi.

Unse jo bhi kehna chahun,
Kabhi kehna payunga.
Sansein jab tak chalti rahegi,
Par unka naam mein leta rahunga."

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Love and much more 💕💕💕💕💕

**last line he couldn't complete as Sana came and started reading.