Lies and Other Necessities

•Matteo...

Matteo Sanders was the love of my life. Was because he's gone now. Was because I have Logan now. But that doesn't mean I've forgotten him, that I no longer get dreams where I see his ethereal, almost angelic face. Every freaking night.

Even on the nights when Logan's hands are wrapped around me and his lips seal mine, I still think of Matteo. I still think of his sandy brown hair and flawless skin. I think of the way he threw his head back when he laughed at one of my horrible jokes. I still think of his lopsided smile-- the same one he gave me countless times when we went on one of his planned dates, the ones he tried so hard to surprise me with.

It was on one of those same dates I lost him. After eight months of our not-less-than-perfect relationship, he left me dazed, broken and forever scarred with that horrible memory. With that responsibility of lying so he could be free.

It's the nights that are hardest for me. Even with Logan's presence I still wake up drowning in sweat, breathing uneven, raspy and strained. Logan knows about the dreams, he just doesn't know what they're about.

My phone pings, signifying several texts from my parents. They are the only ones who know about what happened with Matteo. They know what happened last summer and they're forced to lie too. But in their case, they can't bear to carry it with them anymore. It plagues them-- what happened-- and they're scared it would happen again. That Logan would disappear too, just like my first love did.

I don't bother to reply to any of them. I'll be seeing my parents tonight alongside Logan, we can discuss issues then. It's the first time he'll be meeting them and for some reason, they're scared. They were just as attached to Matteo as I was and after the news broke about his disappearance, they were devastated.

Which is why they had called me that night. They had known I knew something and they hadn't believed me when I had said otherwise. They had been right. I was with him that night. No one knew. It was a thing that we had, that we shared. Matteo always made our dates nothing short of spontaneous and every minute with him was exciting. No one ever knew the locations of our dates-- just me and him. He didn't like being interrupted or intruded on so he never told anyone about where we went on dates. He only told them after-- usually on the next day. And that was even rare.

The bed dips where Logan falls next to me. He reflexively takes my hands up to his lips and kisses it. It's something he does every chance he gets and I can't complain.

"Are you thinking about me meeting your parents tonight?" he asks, nibbling on a spot beneath my ear.

"Sort of..." I run my hands through his hair, watching the dark tendrils slip between my fingers. His hair is always tousled. Always messy, always in need of a trim. It gives him a look I can't help but adore.

"I'm honestly freaked out about it," Logan admits. It's one thing I like about him. He's always so honest, unlike Matteo. And he doesn't pull me into situations which require me to lie. Also unlike Matteo.

"They'll love you." I kiss his forehead and he moves on top of me, shaggy hair falling over his face.

Logan is different from Matteo-- I have no doubt about that. However, there are similarities that run deep and subtle. They have the same laugh. The same vocal inflections. The same stance, weirdly enough. But when I allow myself even a moment to think about it, Matteo Sanders isn't in my head until I put him there. Logan is his own man and he holds his own lure. It is my head that keeps telling me it's crazy to take that seriously.

But maybe, just maybe, one of the reasons I'm with Logan is because of how much he reminds me of my former boyfriend.

"I love you so much," he whispers, joining our lips. He's a good kisser, just as intense and passionate as Matteo was.

"Me too," I sigh into his mouth. My hands cling onto his arms and I trace the pattern of the blob-shaped birthmark on his skin. It's a shade darker than the rest of his pale skin tone which contrasts greatly with my dark brown one. I like how we looked together. Dark and light. Golden and pale. Liar and...

Logan groans when I bite lightly on his bottom lip and it seems that is what snaps him out of his semi-dazed state.

"Shit, we have to get ready." He looks out the window, the golden highlights of the setting sun reflecting on his face. He's so handsome. With his deep brown eyes which gleam with curiosity and his perfect bone structure. He looks from the window and down at me, lips breaking into a mischievous smile. "Get in the shower with me, Evie."

I shake my head even though I want nothing more than to feel his hands encase me while the warm water beats down on my form. "I'm too tired. My legs just won't work."

He reaches underneath me and lifts me from the bed, hands positioned behind my back and under my thighs. "Imagine that stopping me..." he murmurs with a slight raise of his eyebrows.

"I was hoping it wouldn't," I smile at him, feeling my heart swell within my chest. I loved Matteo; I love this man.

What I had with Matteo cannot be brushed aside. I was fresh out of college and so was he, both naïve and eager to experience anything and everything. What I have with Logan is new, exhilarating. It is a breath of fresh air from the damp, dark box I was left in by my last love.

Logan guides me to the tub and I lean against the cool tiles of the wall while he runs the hot water. I was joking about being tired but nonetheless, he figured I'd like to relax in the bath. He's so thoughtful.

I get in after him and we spend time making foam beards and moustaches. And we kiss. And kiss. And kiss till we're both left breathless.

♡

The díamante earrings I'm wearing sparkle in the dim light of the crescent moon, of the lights from cars and buildings we pass every now and then. Logan's hand clasps mine at every traffic light and he gives it a reassuring squeeze.

He looks impeccable in the crisp white shirt and blue necktie he's in. For the first time, his hair is slicked back and combed neatly. I can tell he's nervous from how he constantly looks at the time and holds my hand a little too tightly.

"I promise they'll love you. They don't have any reason not to." I mean my words. My parents will fall head over heels for Logan's charm. So much that they'll probably tell me to break up with him before any one of us gets hurt. Maybe both.

The closer we get to my parents' house the more I begin to dread the meeting. Maybe this is a bad idea. Maybe I should listen to them and let Logan go.

But I don't have time to reconsider because we're in their driveway.

~~

WORD COUNT: 1250 words

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