My Name is Joseph

Coming to Terms Part 1

Jonathan's eyes went even wider, if that were possible, and a strangled sound came out of his throat.

"I'm never," the cursed tears started streaming down my face again, "I'm never gonna see the-- I'm never going to see him again. And I don't know if I could ever forgive my brothers." I clenched my jaw hard, almost grinding my teeth together.

I glared back up at Jonathan, but this time the anger and pain were mixed with confusion, "and God did nothing, Jonathan. Nothing! He didn't stop it. He didn't save m--him."

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Jonathan stared at Alex's blazing eyes. He understood now. Especially the extreme reaction today. But how could he help Alex with his pain and explain the truth about God?

"Alex, wow. That's terrible." he started, lamely.

Alex snorted, "You think?"

He tightened the hand on his knee, "But Alex, I'm here for you. You don't have to deal with this alone."

Alex's breath hitched in what Jonathan assumed was an attempt to bite back a venomous retort, "I know that. But it doesn't help what happened. So how is it supposed to help?"

Jonathan swallowed and looked him in the eyes, "No one should ever have to deal with pain alone, Alex. I know I can't replace your brother, but I can be your friend. And, I know without a doubt that God was there with you the whole time, and with your brother."

Alex just shrugged, "Yeah, you've helped. But I can't say the same thing about God."

Jonathan would have been taken aback by the level of anger and bitterness in his eyes if he had not just heard what Alex had explained. How could he help? He had no idea what Alex was going through, and he was not sure what to say to convince him of God. Before he could get worried, however, a thought popped into Jonathan's head, "Do you know the story of Joseph in the Bible?"

Alex rolled his eyes as rubbed his sleeve under his nose, "Yes, I do. Why?" He snapped.

"His life was pretty crappy, don't you think? But God was with him the whole time. He blessed him because Joseph followed him, and he used his whole situation for a great good."

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I rolled my eyes again, but I could not deny the tiny prick of warmth in my heart when Jonathan said that. But I pushed it away. There was no way I was going to let God back in. He had done nothing for me.

When I did not reply, it seemed that Jonathan took it as permission to continue, "Joseph went through lots of pain, but he always gave everything to God, and God blessed him and everyone he worked for. And God certainly never left him, even though sometimes it probably seemed like he had."

I looked down at the floor as another tear leaked down my face and I fought to hold in my anger. Yes, I had heard that story before. But I was not that Joseph. And God certainly did not care about me. He might have helped that Joseph, but he had abandoned me. There was no way I was ever going to trust him again. However, at the same time as these thoughts were crossing his mind, others were warring with it.

What if it was true? Could it even be a coincidence that my name was Joseph too? Or had God named me so that when the hard times came, I would be able to know without a doubt that God was always with me? But no. God had not done anything. He did not care.

I glanced back up at Jonathan, who was still watching me earnestly, and scoffed, "You really think God was there? That he was always there?"

Jonathan's eyes became even more earnest, "I certainly do. And I think he has great plans for you, Alex. If you let him use you."

I nodded and groaned as I got to my feet. "Yeah. Whatever. I'll think about it." I mind told me I should feel bad for blowing him off so rudely, but I could not bring my heart to agree.

Jonathan stood up next to me. "It's okay if you don't believe this now, but you do need to make things right with the sergeant. And with the other soldier that you punched."

I winced, that at least was true, if I did not want to be in bucketloads of trouble. I nodded as I grabbed my towel and wiped my face off.

Feeling slightly bad for being so rude to Jonathan, I turned and face him a rough hug. I felt his breath hitch in surprise. "Thank you, Jonathan, for trying to help." I said gruffly.

Jonathan smiled, but his eyes revealed that he still wanted to say something else, "You're welcome, Alex." He paused, took a deep breath, and went on, "would you be okay with it if I prayed for you? You don't have to believe it. Just that God would help your heart and prove to you that he really does care?"

I scoffed, no, I did not particularly want it. But I also did not want to drive a wedge between my only friend and myself, so I answered, "I guess if you want to."

So Jonathan did, even though I did not really want to receive it. So I brushed it off. It's not like I was suddenly accepting God again. And I certainly did not believe that he cared. However, I did have to work hard ignoring the small prick of light that entered my heart at that moment.