Hurt So Good (Kylo Ren x Reader)

Did You Ever

"Uh, yeah, and I wanted to keep it that way," you snapped. Your tone of voice was making you realize how still hurt you were over his behavior from your last encounter.

"Why?" he said curtly.

"Are you fucking serious?" you raised your hands in the air. "You are a smart man, Ren, don't play dumb."

He tilted his head to the side and his face exuded confusion. He truly didn't know why you would have avoided him for all this time.

"I don't understand. I took care of you," he questioned.

"Uh, lest you forget the part where you screamed at me to leave? Threw a fucking glass vase or some shit against the wall because I asked you a question?" you grimaced.

He stood, an angered frown on his face. He walked toward you quickly, too quick for you to move away. A finger was in your face as he snapped, "You had no right to ask such trivial questions." An obvious look of fear rippled across your face. He grabbed you by the jaw, his fingers pressed into your hot cheeks. "And even after all that I still am compelled to give you my attention. I gave you your space, and I know you couldn't stop thinking about me, so be thankful that something in my head is telling me to even continue to look at you. If I had the willpower, I would have gotten rid of you, you know that? But I couldn't. I can't."

Kylo noted your wide eyes and downturned mouth, and his hand fell to his side, his face softening as he looked you in the eye.

"Oh, how lucky am I? Thank God you found it in yourself to treat me like a human being, to not fault me for your own trauma," you hissed at him. How fucking narcissistic, to believe you were lucky for him wanting you around. At this point you wished he had fired you. Dealing with your feelings for him, your relationship with Diane, and the scrutiny from Dusty, you wanted it all to be over. "You're a fucked up man, and you don't know how to properly treat people. You treat your own fucking wife like a dog."

Just as quickly as his face had softened, the fury returned. His chest puffed as if he was about to lay it all out, scream at you. You felt like you had gone a step too far, and he was going to make you pay for it.

But something else happened. He closed his eyes and took deep breaths.

He breathed your name calmly. There it was again. He said your name. It felt so foreign but so good to hear it come from him. It made you melt like butter, because it completely humanized him. It was hard to believe he was that: a human. But the velvety way he said your name made you believe it, and it made you yearn for him more than ever before. You were beyond confused as to what to feel for Kylo Ren.

"I shouldn't have been so short with you. You said yourself, there needs to be firm boundaries here, and my..." he sneered, "family is far out of those boundaries." His fingers brushed a lock of hair behind your ear.

"I couldn't have known," you said in a quiet voice, eyes falling to the floor.

"You do now," he exhaled. You kept your eyes low, unable to speak. You didn't want to accept his non-apology. But his proximity made it so difficult. The heat radiating from his body, his intoxicating smell, and his gorgeous, waiting face made it so, so hard.

He moved in closer to you, backing you into the nearest shelf, your back pressed against it. His knee was between your legs, parting them ever so slightly. He towered over you, his eyes examining your face closely. He leaned down. His voice was deep and low, his lips hovering at your ear, lightly grazing the skin, "I miss being with you."

The words sent electricity down your spine and his hand fell to the small of your back. Plush lips still at your ear. You were putty in his hand. But you couldn't let this go, not yet.