When he answers her so bluntly, with such a straightforward confession, there is no way that Byleth can continue to pretend that there is even a slight chance that Holst is messing with her. And reading the way he expresses his feelings leaves her heart pounding, in a way that makes it pretty obvious that she has feelings for him too. Even if she wanted to deny it, she would not be able to, and would not be able to pass it off as anything less than it is.
She has never met him before, but when she reads his letters, it does not feel that way, and when she writes back to him, she finds it easier to open up to him than to anyone else, feeling close to him as if they have met before, as if they have spent hours together, just talking. In a way, they have, even if they have never physically been together.
Even knowing how she feels about him, she still does not know how to answer him at first. Returning his confession with a confession of her own definitely seems like the most obvious option, but trying to figure out how to word it is easier said than done. And she still has to be practical about the fact that she has never actually met him, and even if they get along really well through their writing, there are still things that they would not be able to know about each other, unless they met in person.
What if it is easy to write, but things fall apart when they are in person? After all, part of why she found writing to him easiest of all is because she had time to think about what she said before she said it. She enjoyed writing because it went without any of the pressures that come with interacting in person, so maybe Holst will not like her so much when they actually meet. Maybe the two of them will not have anything to talk about, and maybe they will completely lack any chemistry.
These thoughts are what cause her to hesitate before writing her next letter. She doesn't want to say something like that to him, because it sounds rather rude when she thinks about it, but she also does not want to say anything that she doesn't actually feel is true, so it takes her a long time of staring at a blank page before she can even begin to write to him.
And even once she has started, she often finds herself throwing away what she has started on, so that she can try again.
Holst,
I guess there really is no more pretending that you're just joking around with me. After a letter like that, it would be pretty cruel- not to mention stupid- of me to continue to doubt your sincerity. It has taken me a while to think of how to respond to such a confession, so I apologize for keeping you waiting for so long.
It is very easy to think that I am falling for you as well. At the very least, I know that I am falling for your writing, that each letter leaves me feeling closer to you, and like I want to get even closer. If I were to just judge things based on the way we talk to each other, I would have to say that I feel the same way, and that I likely have for a very long time.
But I also do not want to start anything like that while we still haven't met in person. I know that you have not necessarily said that we would be starting anything, but I just want to be forthcoming about my feelings, before it comes to that. As much as we may feel like we know each other because of our correspondence, there are things that one can't know without meeting in person. If we were to get too excited for our eventual meeting and then end up disappointed, we could both get hurt in the process. I might be hurting you just by saying this, though, and I apologize if that is the case. Like I said, this has been a difficult letter to write.
The important thing to say is that I do care a lot about you, and that if it were entirely based on writing, it would be easy to say that I have fallen for you. I hope that when we are able to meet in person, we can figure out where it goes from there.
Yours,
Byleth
Byleth,
You should hurry up and win the war then, so we can finally meet. Of course, there are plenty of other, more important reasons that we should want the war to come to an end, but you have to admit that I have a point. You have a point as well, about how we can't really know each other until we finally meet.
It has been easy to think that we would get along just based on these conversations, but we really won't know until we know. That only makes me look forward to meeting you even more, though, because I would love to have the chance to get to know you and fall for you in person. So, while I understand your hesitation to make any decisions based on your feelings when we haven't met yet, I doubt anything you can say at this point will deter my excitement.
I can't wait until the day that we can actually meet, and it may seem overly confident of me, but I really do think I will fall just as hard for you in person. I hope that you can come out and see me. As soon as the war comes to an end, we will have to figure something out.
Until then, at least we can keep in touch like this.
Yours,
Holst
His confidence certainly makes it difficult not to be confident herself, reassured by his words. Byleth finds herself looking forward to finally meeting him, feeling as though things might just come naturally when the time finally comes.
YOU ARE READING
(eventually) yours
FanfictionThrough sharing progress reports about Hilda, Holst and Byleth soon become pen pals.
