(eventually) yours

Chapter 5

Holst continues to write to Byleth regularly, but as the year progresses and as things begin to change, Byleth finds herself with less time to write back to him, only managing it occasionally, and getting more letters from him in the interim, assuring her that he is not rushing her to reply, he just thought of something else that he wanted to say to her. There is more to teaching than what she thought, or at least, more to this particular position.

The battles that she and her students face on their missions imply a lot more going on behind the scenes that one would initially suspect, and the growing tensions imply a war on the horizon, though it is not clear who, exactly, would be bold enough to declare war on the Church of Seiros itself. Byleth has a lot on her mind, and little time to write back to Holst, but the time that she takes to read his letters serves as a welcome break from the stress that her job has begun to bring her.

She is still fairly certain that the nobleman is trying to flirt with her in some way, even if she still can't make any sense of it. Soon enough, the ball is approaching, and the excitement in the air helps cover up the distinct sense that there is something wrong, and that things will not remain peaceful for long. For a little while, they are able to pretend to have a sense of normalcy, and it is then that Byleth finds a chance to write to Holst.

Holst,

My apologies for the delay in correspondence. As I mentioned in my previous letter, things have been very hectic. I have received all of your letters and very much enjoy reading them, and I hope that you are still doing well. I might not be able to reply again for a while, but I'll try to at least send short letters whenever I am able to.

The ball is later this month, and I can't believe where the time has gone. It doesn't feel like I have been teaching her for that long, but then, I look at a calendar and it has been several months. All of my students, Hilda included, have made so much progress that I barely recognize their strength anymore, and it seems hard to believe that it is because of my motivation. Still, a lot of them want to give me credit for that.

This is turning out to be a bit shorter than I expected it to be, but I'll do my best to write back as soon as possible.

Sincerely,

Byleth

Classes are busy from that point on, as well as actual preparations for the ball, and time passes by quickly. She receives a response from Holst just a day before the ball itself, and does not have a chance to compose a reply, hoping to do as soon as she returns from her mission for the month.

That being said, she has no idea how she is supposed to reply to what he says to her.

Byleth,

I had sincerely hoped that I would be able to visit you soon. It was meant to be a surprise, but things didn't work out the way that I hoped they would, so I suppose I will just tell you now that I'd hoped I would be able to attend the ball myself. I'm sure there are several families visiting right now, so it would not have been out of place for a bachelor like myself to want to visit my younger sister, as well as take the time to get to know some of the young nobles in her class...though of course, I would only have eyes for her professor.

I really did hope that I would be able to invite you to the Goddess Tower, if only to make up for my regrets during my school days. Even if we just spent that time discussing things entirely unrelated to making a vow together, I know I would enjoy that time spent with you. But, alas, being next in line to head my family means that I had too many responsibilities to take the time I needed to plan a visit.

Hopefully, we will be able to fix that soon, though I really do wish I could have seen you on the night of the ball.

Sincerely, Holst

Byleth definitely doesn't know how to answer such a letter, and is not sure if she should even attempt to ask for advice on it. It becomes both more and less likely that he is trying to mess with her, the more she spends time thinking about it, but she has to go to battle again soon, so she has no more time to think about it.

~X~

The letters keep coming, when she is too numb to reply to them. Holst sends her an apology for how forward he was, saying that he never meant to make her uncomfortable. He tells her that he will stop writing about those sorts of things, if it means that she will continue writing to him, and that he really meant it when he said he would have been content to spend the whole night of the ball just talking to her.

He thinks that he has scared her off, that she does not reply to him because he pushed things too far, while Byleth is simply lost in her grief, not sure how to move forward with her life, and too numb to think of anything to say to Holst. It pains her to see his handwritten form of groveling for her forgiveness, but she can't bring herself to say anything, because this argument he thinks that they are having seems so petty in comparison to what she is dealing with right now.

Eventually, though, she receives another letter from him, and this time, his apologies are different.

Byleth,

Hilda has written to me about what happened to you, and to your father. I want to offer my condolences and my sincerest apologies. I apologize for pestering you with letters when you were struggling with your own battle, and I apologize for assuming that you were ignoring me over something so minor. Most of all, I apologize for trying to make this about me, without ever considering that there might be something else going on.

Take the time that you need, and don't worry about replying to me. Just know that you are in my thoughts and prayers at this time, and that, if you ever do want to talk to me about it, that I will be glad to listen.

Sincerely,

Holst