All I ever wanted

19. Confession

"Come on, " Gray grins and gets down.

He jogs to my side and opens my door before I could. He puts his hand out for me to hold. I hold his hand and get down, taking in the scenery before me. "What is this place?"

"The guys and I found it a few years back. We used to come here whenever we wanted to clear our heads or hide from our parents."

Gray opens Aaron's booth and grabs a blanket from a duffel bag. He spreads it a few feet from the cliff and pulls me to sit with him.

"Try not to think about anything, " he squeezes my hands gently, and I nod my head.

The sky never failed to amaze me, filled with mysteries and endless amounts of space. It was a bright shade of blue today. So we rest on our backs and let our eyes gaze upward, enjoying the nothing that is everything.

So I pause, let my soul join the serenity of quietness, and breathe. That's when I feel it all the more, sense energy from the trees, and the birdsong and the gentle breeze around me.

I turn to lay on Gray's chest. His heartbeat quickens as a reaction to my touch. He wraps his arms around my shoulders and raises his head to plant a kiss on my head.

"Do you hate my dad?" I ask the question in my mind.

He sighs softly and tucks a strand of my hair behind my ear, playing with my earlobes. "I don't think I'm in a position to judge him."

I could feel how uncomfortable he was and knew what he meant. He had cheated on me before. I raise my head to stare at him.

His blue eyes stare back at me with an unfathomable expression, drowning me in it.  He scans my face, waiting for me to say something.

"I'm sorry I hurt you, Kelch, " he apologizes nervously, his eyes not leaving mine.

Part of me wanted to know why he cheated the other part didn't. I was scared he cheated because I wasn't good enough.

"Kelch, I need you to know you are the best thing that has ever happened to me, " he adds, a soft expression in his eyes.

He cups my face and strokes my cheeks gently. "I'm sorry if I ever made you feel less."

I remove his hand from my face and turn to look at the mountains. Gray was great with words. Words that made my heart flutter.

"Was I good at it?" I mutter, staring down at my hands.

"What?"

"When we had sex, was I good at it?" I turn to look at him over my shoulder. "I thought you cheated because I couldn't satisfy you."

His face breaks down, and he rushes to sit closer to me. "God. Kelch, you were the best."

He's quiet for a moment and runs a hand through his hair exasperatedly. "I cheated because I wanted you to break up with me."

I frown at him, my emotions running all over the place. "You didn't like me again?"

"I don't think I can ever not like you, " he chuckles lightly.

He bits on his lower lips and holds my hand. "I was a coward. Being with me was going to put you in danger, and I didn't want that, but I also couldn't bring myself to break up with you. So, I tried to give you reasons to."

I stare at his face, trying to decipher what he was thinking, but I got nothing. He's always quick to mask his emotions, refusing to let me in.

"You know I won't know what's wrong with you if you don't say it, " I raise a brow at him.