Don't Leave

Chapter Fifteen

"(y/n)?" Kylo pushed lightly on the door, his dampened eyes immediately finding yours causing what tears you were trying to hold back to immediately start falling.

"Why?" It was a question littered with tears as you gripped the note tightly in your hand, holding it out towards him.

"I-" His voice was soft – softer than you had heard it in what feels like weeks, "(y/n), I'm sorry."

"Sorry for what Kylo?" you gripped the note tighter in your hand. You weren't sure if you were more upset that he made you think he still cared for you or if you were more upset about how aggressive he had been. "Or should I still call you Ben?" you felt your voice crack as the tears became overpowering; the taste of salt caressing the inner corners of your mouth.

You wanted nothing more than for him to come over and lie in the bed with you, holding you tightly as the two of you continued to cry – but it wasn't possible, not now. He was everything to you; the only person who ever held you on a pedestal, the only person whose glances made your heart skip a beat, the only person who could say nothing but everything with just a slight change in expression – and yet, he felt like a distant memory although he was standing less than ten feet in front of you.

"You're still my everything, please, please believe me when I say that." With those words leaving Kylo's mouth he immediately lost all composure that he had; he sank onto the ground, the sounds of him crying echoing through the room, you watched as his hands began digging deeply into the tops of his thighs, he was shaking with every whimper leaving his jagged breath. "Fuck" you heard him mutter as his hands left his thighs and hit the floor with force; as he pulled his hands back to his thighs you could see his knuckles tinged slightly in blood. "Why does everything I love fall apart." It wasn't a question though as much as it was a statement. "What did I do to deserve any of this?" Kylo wasn't talking to you; his eyes never opened and his voice was almost too quiet to make out, but with each statement, you watch the man you loved fall apart more and more in front of you.

Something inside of you told you to leave him alone, that it was no longer your place to help him. That thought immediately brought upon a fresh influx of tears. You couldn't help but find yourself wondering what to do.

"Don't you understand what I'm going through right now (y/n)?" He was still perched on the ground, but this time his eyes were looking right at you. "Losing everything at the hands of the one person who I care about the –" his composure cracked and he had to find his breath through the tears that began to fall furiously, "the most. And now here we both are – screaming and crying at each other, and what do we have to show for it (y/n)?" He looked at you as if he expected you to answer him, but your voice was lost in the pain of your heart as you watched him continue to fall apart. "We have joining Snoke to show for it." His voice dropped softer, his hands immediately finding his eyes – trying to wipe away any evidence that he had been crying.

You spoke before thinking, "Be –" you caught yourself, "Kylo, I told you that you didn't have to submit to him – your family would have taken you in."

"Just please shut up about it already. You know there wasn't any other way, so stop trying to make yourself feel better by thinking there was." His tone was snarky, "You, we, murdered an entire group of up-and-coming Jedi; are you that dense to think that my parents – the Rebellion leaders – would want anything to do with me?" He started to slowly stand up, his legs still wobbling with emotion. "I only have you now (y/n), and I -" He took a stride towards the bed, "I can't have you upset with me like this; I can't lose anyone else, I just – I can't." His hand reached out to graze your face, but you immediately flinched at the sight of his hand moving towards you. The expression on Kylo's face immediately becoming something of disbelief; here he had poured out every emotion that he had, and you couldn't bring yourself to let him touch you.