Don't Leave

Chapter Nine

You wake up to Ben violently shaking beside you, his eyes are still tightly closed and sweat is pouring off of him. You stare at him for a moment, allowing yourself to wake up, before you realize he's having a nightmare.

You can feel the anxiety radiating off of him, but there's also this suffocating feeling of power filling the tent.

"Ben!" you grab his shoulder and shake him in attempt to wake him, but his eyes only clench tighter.

"Hey," you try and reach out to grab him again but his hand meets your wrist before you can touch him, "Ben?" you try and sound calm but you voice comes out shaky.

His eyes shoot open, searching around the dark tent for something.

"You're okay." You try and pull your wrist away from him but he doesn't loosen up his grip.

His eyes finally find yours and his grip starts to loosen, you pull your hand away and you can still feel where his grip was.

"Are you ok?" Ben's voice was shaky but he kept his voice soft.

"Uh huh." You nod your head as you massage your wrist where his grip was.

His eyes shift to your wrists, "Did I do that?" you can faintly make out that your wrist is quite red and maybe even beginning to bruise where he held you.

"I did that," you pointed at the bruise covering the side of his face, "it's only fair." You let out a small laugh, trying to lighten the mood.

You realize that Ben however did not find that amusing as his eyes became saddened the longer he stared at your wrist.

"Ben, I'll be fine." You wave your hand in front of his face so that his attention shifts to your face, letting a smile come across your face.

Ben watches you carefully as the smile fades from your face when you recall what he said before going to bed just a few hours ago. Now that he was okay, your mind could only drift to how complicated everything else was becoming.

"Something's wrong?" Ben's eyes are soft.

"No, I'm fine." You smile at him, not wanting to let him know you had heard what he had said.

"I meant it." Ben's eyes close as he rests his head back onto his pillow.

You can feel your heart accelerate, "Meant what?" you planned on playing stupid for as long as you could, not knowing if you could handle any more conversation about your feelings about each other.

"I knew you were awake," Ben rubs his hand across his face, keeping his eyes closed, "I don't just talk to myself."

You just stared blankly at his face, watching his eyes tighten the longer you remained quiet.

"I don't think I can do this." You pull your gaze away from him, feeling uncomfortable in your own skin.

You stand up to leave the tent so you can get a breath of fresh air and to relax before going back to bed.

"Please, just talk to me." Ben was using the force to keep the zipper in place regardless of how hard you tried to pull it down.

"There's nothing to say, we both know that." You keep trying to pull the zipper to no avail.

"I'd throw it all away." You turn to look at Ben who has his eyes staring at you softly, "I'd throw all of this away to be able to have you."

"That wouldn't be much of a sacrifice." You scoff.

"Can you just listen to me for a minute before you throw up your defenses?" Ben's voice was strained.

"Why so I can be upset the rest of the night? I'm perfectly content without that."