I can't sleep. That's the whole point of this book, di ba? To tell all of my late night thoughts without anyone actually giving a fuck. I don't actually care, I'm just looking for something to make me occupied.
I have reached the new level of boredom.
This quarantine period has taken its toll on me. At the very beginning, I enjoyed it because I'm an indoor type of person. I planned to binge-watch every movie, series, k-drama, and anime 'till I drop. I wanted to read and re-read everything in my bookshelf because I literally forgot everything I've read. I wished to make song covers, I even thought of making a new song or make a short story. I wanted to do everything I wanted to do as soon as school ended.
But now, as of August 1, 2020, I'm literally drained.
I don't know what I'm doing. I once hated doing chores, but now that I have nothing better to do, I do everything in the house with no questions asked. Wala nang nag-uutos sa 'kin, kahit hindi ko pa chore 'yun, gagawin ko na lang bigla-bigla just to keep my mind off things. I want to start watching again, but I can't because I believe if I can't motivate myself to watch the series, I might ruin the vibe of the whole series. If wala akong ganang manood, baka di ko lang matuloy lahat ng sinusuggest sa 'kin. Or worse, I would hate the series itself.
I want to reach out to other people and talk to them, ask them how they've been but they seem busy. Or at least they're keeping themselves busy. Also, I don't want to seem overly invasive because some of the people who I was close with don't talk to me that much anymore. But at some point in my life, I regret not keeping some people close, but I'm still thankful that I was given the chance to be their friend.
As of the moment, I envy everyone who has kept themselves occupied until now because I've lost interest in every single thing in my life. I used to journal, paint, draw, play the ukelele, watch, and read. But now I can't even watch a single movie.
All the time that I have now on my hands is overwhelming. I want to be productive, but at the same time I want to rest because this is the time I have left to lazy around. I can't seem to find the balance between both of those things that's why I have days where I'm busy all the damn time because of endlessly scrolling through Instagram or Twitter or by doing chores, and days where I just don't want to talk to anyone. Or see anyone.
Should I just talk to myself?
That would be worrisome, but it's not like I was given much of a choice.
Either way, the Philippines is fucked. (Off topic, but it's the truth)
