Falling Star: Book 2 of The Orion Series

D Is For...

**TRIGGER WARNING** Depiction of a severe depressive episode, along with brief mention of an abortion. Reader discretion is advised.

The ride home is in absolute silence, punctuated by my husband's sniffing. The radio isn't even on. I'm driving, barely keeping it together myself. Emotions like rage and sorrow keep vacillating within me, threatening to spill over at any given moment. I'm driving on complete auto-pilot back to the neighborhood, barely even aware of my surroundings. It's a surreal nightmare.

The children were left in the care of Jake. We thought it might take awhile, and the kids had a half-day that day at school. He picked them up, and they were currently at his house. As though going through this entire process wasn't bad enough, now we had to break it to our kids they were down a sibling?

I feel so foolish. I didn't know the laws. I wasn't aware this was even a remote possibility. Had I know, I wouldn't have gotten Thomas and Hazel so involved. I wouldn't have allowed myself to become so invested. I wouldn't have given my heart to the little munchkin.

I pull up to Jake's house, shut off the car, and slide the keys out. My limbs refuse to move beyond that. Jake's house has turned into a looming, ominous beast I don't want to set foot in. The way Orion hasn't moved an inch tells me he feels the same way.

"I don't want to do this," I admit to him, because I know if anyone is going to rouse us from our anguished state it's going to be me.

Orion looks at me. I wipe off the streaked eyeliner from his cheeks. Orion nods and his eyes become firm. "We have to be strong."

I look at my lap and speak quietly. "I don't wanna be strong."

The leather seat squeaks as my husband leans over and draws me into a tight hug. After about a minute I rub his back. We pull away from one another. Orion gives me the smallest smile, turns away from me and opens the door. I follow suite, a heavy sigh pushing out from my lungs.

Orion rings the doorbell. We hear the kids shouting joyously accompanied by pounding feet. Then we hear Jake screaming at the to calm down and to stop, that he'll get the door. This is a regular occurrence. It usually makes me smile. 

Moments later, Jake opens the door. The second he sees us his face falls.

"Oh fuck."

Jake hugs Orion tightly. After a moment, he hugs me. Wordlessly he then lets us in.

Running a hand through his hair, he speaks to us quietly. "Did you...wanna tell them here, or...?"

"Might as well," Orion says. When his voice cracks he clears his throat.

It goes about as well as to be expected. I was fine until my son and daughter lose it. I feel so awkward, the four of us a crying heap in the middle of Jake's expansive house. Yet at the same time I don't care.

Jake offers to cook dinner for us. He offers to let us all crash here, just so we don't have to go to a house that has a guest room filled with a bed and toys that are going to sit unused now. We politely decline; we can't hide from reality forever (though the urge to nail wooden planks over the room is strong). Jake gives us all a tearful goodbye.

We leave the car in front of Jake's place, walking back. I'm carrying Hazel in my arms as she cries into my shoulder. Orion is holding Thomas' hand. The short trip is easily the most miserable walk I've ever taken.

As we enter the house and I set Hazel down, Orion releases our son's hand, wordlessly slipping away like a ghost upstairs.

~