His therapist, Doctor Hart, seemed like a nice lady, younger than him sure, but she had kind non-judgemental eyes, and a soft face. Her posture was welcoming, the way she sat and engaged her clients, felt like she was so interested in learning everything about them. Kurt felt at ease around her, instantly, unlike some other people in his life right now.
So when she asked him, what he had come for help for today, the floodgates opened again, and he ended up spilling her his whole life story, in half an hour, and she did nothing but write it all down.
She was still writing bits and pieces in her little note book, about 10 minutes after Kurt had finished, giving him time to pull himself together and then they sat in comfortable silence until her scribbling stopped.
"From what I understand, your father was a big influence in your personality." She said when she glanced up at him and he nodded.
"Yes, he was."
"You lost him?" She asked curiously, but kindly and he swallowed the lump in his throat.
"Yes, 5 years ago."
She wrote another few notes in her little book, and then glanced back up to Kurt with a questioning stare.
"Had you seen a therapist at all for that?" She asked him and he shook his head.
"No."
"Why?"
"I don't know." Kurt felt like he was on a rollercoaster of emotions, but she was asking the questions so softly, and he had no choice but to answer them.
"Did you feel like you handled his death well, as well as you could?"
"Probably not." He said with a shrug, some tears escaping their shimmering blue prison again, and she handed him more tissues.
"Your ex husband was a major part of your life wasn't he?"
"Yes, a very big part." He said as he sniffed back the sob, and wiped at his eyes, watching her writing again.
"You leaned on him after your father's passing?" She asked when she looked back up at him, a kind smile on her face and Kurt sighed.
"Yes, I did."
"And how did he help you?"
"He let me talk, let me cry, held my hand through all of the OCD things I had." Through his explanation she didn't say anything, but Kurt could tell by the way one of her eyebrows raised that she was holding in what she wanted to say.
After she wrote down another part in her book, she placed the book down and then sat a little closer to Kurt.
"You have stress related OCD?" She asked in a soft voice, and Kurt smiled sadly.
"Yes."
"I see, have you had any therapy for that?"
"No."
She nodded, and then sighed a little, before turning a small smile to Kurt, who sat back as she spoke.
"You know, all the little things in your life, little things that you don't think of as mentally detrimental, like stress related OCD, something that if you ignore it, you think it'll go away...they don't, they build. They build so high, until you're struggling with the weight on your shoulders."
"You've let things build and build, until the point where your back is breaking, and there is only one outlet. Self destruction."
At Kurt's confused and nearly offended look, she wen on quickly, placing her hands up.
"It's not about hurting yourself, it's more of getting back some control, that you feel you've lost, and a big part of that, is having control over your own body. What you put in it, what you do to it."
