Kurt was failing. he knew he was.
Everyday was a battle, even to just get out of bed. Over the last month, when their divorce was finalized, he felt adrift. Floating almost, his body didn't feel like his own. He couldn't eat, he couldn't sleep, and even when he did sleep his dreams were either full of memories that had him waking and sobbing, or nightmares about Blaine and his daughter both walking out of his life, which had him waking up in cold sweats and sometimes screaming and reaching for them.
All in all, he knew he wasn't doing too well.
he tried and tried to pick himself up again, Mercedes was a stable friend, who he gained most of his comfort from, and he loved that she was there for him whenever he needed her. Even for just a cuddle or someone to sleep next to.
He knew that his daughter had figured out that he wasn't doing too well, though he tried to put on a brave face for her. She constantly asked him if he was ok, which he only responded with I'm fine and gave her a smile. She returned the smile but it didn't reach her eyes and she knew that the smile was masking a lot of pain.
Work had fell down hill too. He was constantly exhausted and felt ill, his designs weren't all that great anymore, so his boss had given him sick leave, which she forced him to take.
So now he was alone most of the day at home, doing nothing, and it felt even worse than before.
The next thing in his life, was whiskey.
He found it helped numb his stomach and his mind. It gave him a little bit of a high, that he really appreciated.
He knew it wasn't good, but anything bad at this point felt good. it wasn't good, the whiskey, it made him feel even worse afterwards, but while he sat day after day, drinking himself into a drunken stupor, he found that his heart and his mind didn't care or think too much, and he could relax and not feel for a while.
Mercedes had told him that what he was doing was going to hurt him even more, and he knew that, he knew deep down that drinking alcohol never solved anything. And that his daughter had seen him a lot of times out of his face, but he couldn't seem to stop.
It made him numb, and he would rather that, than feel pain.
Blaine had been trying to contact him a lot over the past week, but he ignored it, he didn't want or need a lecture from him. And he didn't want to talk to him about anything. He would rather just forget.
The whiskey brought out the tears too, but they were empty, and he didn't feel like he was breaking with those ones. His heart wasn't in it anymore.
"Daddy, I'm going to go and stay at Dad's for a few nights," Elly had said to him one afternoon after school, when he had greeted her with a forced smile, "he asked if I wanted to stay the weekend with him, in the new place."
Kurt could only nod in understanding.
Blaine had found a new refurbished apartment, near to where Bex lived, and Kurt knew that Elly was excited to spend more time with him.
"Are you going to be ok if I go?" She asked him and Kurt grabbed her arms and pulled her into a hug, holding back the tears from staring at her timid and worried face.
"I'll be fine, baby, your dad has really missed you, so you go be with him." He said into her hair, and squeezed her tightly before releasing her.
"Are you sure?"
"Yes, I might invite Aunt Mercedes to spend the evening with me tonight, watch a movie and pig out on ice-cream."
"You've been eating a lot of ice-cream." She sort of giggled, but the underlying worry was still present in her tone.
