The following few weeks were very hectic, and Kurt felt like he had whiplash from being dragged to so many places and appointments. Mercedes had flown off the handle when he told her about what he almost done, and about the cat. She had arrived at his apartment in the dead of night, Blaine behind her, both of them glaring at Kurt, but he could also see the worry in their eyes and sympathy that he didn't need or want.
He let them in, but avoided their gazes as they asked him all kinds of questions.
He snapped a couple of times, but only when Blaine asked repeatedly if he had taken anything.
"We're just so worried about you boo." Mercedes said from one side of the couch, where Kurt was sitting a little slumped over.
"Kurt, you can't keep things like this bottled up." Blaine said and Kurt felt his anger jump a little, but Mercedes soothing hands on his back made him a little calmer.
"Yeah, baby it's not good to stay all internal." She added, and Blaine agreed with her.
"It makes you like a ticking time bomb."
"And we don't want that explosion honey, not for you, we want to help."
Kurt leaned into her touch as her hand ran up and into his hair, soothing out the tension.
"Yeah, and we'll both help anyway we can," Blaine said as he placed a hand on Kurt's knee, trying to be comfort for him, but failing, "remember we both know what you're like, I was married to you."
"Yeah, was!" Kurt turned furious eyes to him.
Blaine winced at Kurt's angry and hurt tone.
"Kurt, we just want to help you." Blaine tried again, a little softer, but Kurt had had enough, he could barely function with Blaine here, why did Mercedes think it was a good idea?
"Why did you bring him here?! I don't want or need his help!" He shouted at her with a glare, and she looked stricken for a moment.
Blaine quickly jumped to her defense and wrapped a hand around Kurt's wrist.
"It's not Mercedes' fault Kurt, she was worried about you," He said, and Kurt had the urge to knock his hand away and storm off, but Blaine's grip was loose, so he stayed, "she called me in a panic, and I'm here to support both of you."
"Well I don't want you here!"
"Tough, because I want to help you!" Blaine yelled back at him, and as Mercedes moved to intervene, Blaine let out a calming breath and stood in front of Kurt, taking both his hands in his own, "Kurt, you were my husband, my first love, we have a daughter, just because we're not together, doesn't mean I don't love you, and I want to help."
Kurt looked down ashamed, and Mercedes smiled up at him as he caught her eye. Blaine squeezed his hands.
"We used to talk about everything, so talk to us now...please." He said and Kurt lifted his gaze to look at him, seeing a small sad expression and then looked away again.
"I don't know how to anymore."
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
It was that softly spoken sentence that really broke Blaine's heart.
Kurt didn't know how to talk to him anymore. How did things get so messed up?
When Mercedes had called him in a panic over what Kurt almost did, Blaine had lost all the colour in his face and had never got dressed so fast in his life. He had raced to Mercedes home to pick her up before gunning the car through the streets to Kurt.
He was ragged and tired, and unkempt, when he let them through the door, something Blaine had never before seen on his ex husband. Something he thought Kurt would rather die than let anyone see.
His hair hung limp, and messy. He had grey sweatpants on. Kurt Hummel did not wear sweatpants, at all.
His eyes were red and puffy, from crying, and Blaine could tell by the way he stood that he had been drinking. And Kurt hated alcohol of all kinds. This wasn't Kurt anymore, this was some kind of shadow of him.
Blaine felt his chest hurt, rubbing a hand over the front of his shirt as he made his way to the couch, where Kurt had slumped himself onto it.
They began to tell Kurt that he should go to them for help, when Kurt snapped.
"Yeah was!"
Ok, maybe Blaine wasn't immune to the hurt Kurt could still throw at him.
His anger went up a little, remembering all of the fights they had, but he remained calm. But when Kurt turned on Mercedes, who sat there in slight hurt and shock, Blaine stood and let a little anger seep into his tone.
It shocked Kurt into listening to him, and he managed to talk to him without ripping his head off, but the way Kurt carried himself. So timid now, so shy.
Avoiding everyone's eyes. This Kurt right now, right here, was a broken man.
As soon as Blaine had pulled Kurt to sit back down between him and Mercedes, Kurt's eyes screwed shut and he sobbed for about a minute before falling asleep. Blaine and Mercedes shared a look between them, and then Blaine made a move to pick Kurt up to put him to bed.
"Oh don't," Mercedes stopped him and he looked at her with confusion, arms already around Kurt's legs, and about to lift him, "he doesn't sleep in there."
"What?"
"He can't sleep in the bedroom, he sleeps on the couch."
"Since when?"
"Since you moved out." Mercedes told him with a sad frown and her eyes drifted over to Kurt's scrunched up sleeping face, knowing he wasn't resting well, "you see, he hasn't stepped in there at all, since you left, I helped him move some of his clothes into Elly's room, he goes in there to change too."
Blaine furrowed his eyebrows and shot a look down at Kurt, who had settled somewhat back into the couch cushions.
"He doesn't go in there." Mercedes added quietly, "he has nightmares in there."
"He needs more help than we can give." Blaine said after Mercedes had finished explaining.
"I thought it was just a phase, something he needed to do to get over things, to move on," she said as she wiped a tear from her own cheek, "I didn't know he was hurting as bad as this."
"Me neither."
"He hides a lot of it, and he's good at hiding." She said with a frown and Blaine nodded.
"Yeah, he is."
"Blaine."
He looked over at Mercedes and she gave him a pointed look.
"That man there," she said while pointing at Kurt, and Blaine glanced at him before returning his gaze to her eyes, "he loves you. This isn't easy, and getting him better won't be easy either, but I'm willing to try anything to help him get there. And you, you are going to help too."
Blaine started nodding but she continued, putting a little fierce tone in her voice.
"No, no, listen to me," She said a little fiery and Blaine paid attention with raised eyebrows, "I don't care what you're doing, or when you're doing it, if Kurt needs help, we are both going to be there, right?"
"Of course."
"Promise me?" Mercedes voice cracked a little and Blaine smiled sadly at her, before walking and folding his arms around her.
"Mercedes, I promise, we'll get Kurt the help he needs," he said to her, squeezing her close, "whatever it takes, we'll get him better."
