28th April, 2019.
Dear Diary,
Had been to the doctor today, and he said that I need a CT Scan. Am terrified as hell. Can't stop thinking about it. Am trying so hard not to panic. What if it turns out to be more serious than expected? Thank God that you were here with me reading this. I know the root cause but can't do anything about it. I know what's the problem. I know what's wrong with me. But no one would understand... And I cannot explain. I've been sad all these months. Very sad and it has manifested into my breathing problems. Leaving Raj broke me. Shattered me. And try as much, I cannot move on. I've been just breathing. Not alive and absolutely, not happy. Raj made me happy. I was loved and beloved.
These words have been stuck on the loop in my mind. "Near far.. wherever you are.. I believe that the heart goes on.. To calm myself. My fast beating heart. To not panic. You are here, there's nothing I fear.. You are safe in my heart and my heart will go on."
To clear my doubts, I had taken a second doctor's opinion today. He confirmed the first doctor's decision that nasal surgery is inevitable. I give up. Honestly. Can't take it anymore. The days and nights of loneliness are too much. Maybe I really deserved to be alone. Maybe I'm not strong, lovable enough. Maybe I'm not wanted by anyone. Had loved only one man--Raj. Truly, deeply. All of him.
What if I die during surgery? What if I never get a chance to say goodbye? What if - so many 'ifs' and there are no answers. Am still searching for them. Maybe someday I'll find them. Someday.. Seems so far away. A part of me still beats for you. Pines for you, Raj. All the time. Don't know how am I going to make it through without you...
YOU ARE READING
From Me To You: A Tale Untold
ChickLitSantosh and Ibrahim are two individuals brought together through violence in the Kashmir Valley. With both nursing broken hearts and shattered dreams, it will take a lot to trust each other and move on to realize their true potential. This is a st...
