From Me To You: A Tale Untold

Ibrahim

Dear Diary,

16th April, '19.


I promised that I'd tell you more about Paul. I needed time to articulate my thoughts, my feelings, since he was, still is, very close to me. 

Paul— I met you at that point of time when I needed someone badly. Just a friend. A shoulder to lean, to cry on.  Wanted someone who wouldn't judge me—only listen. And listen and listen and listen.  There was so much anguish and agony waiting to be said. Never expected to find anyone. And then I met you, Paul. You came like a light in my darkness, the sunshine on my shikara. You were a candle that stood against the waves of despair that threatened to engulf me. 


You held my hand, never letting go. Even when I begged you to, Paul. And for that, I'll be eternally grateful, my friend. Your off topic onliners, making a joke of otherwise serious situations, waded me through many dark days. I know it wasn't easy to handle me, as I'm complicated, messed up as a person. It wasn't easy for you to just stand and do nothing, while I was drowning myself in pain, refusing to see the positive side. I was a pain-in-the-butt, Paul, and I knew it. You stood like a rock. Firm and unwavering. For me. Believing in me when I didn't believe in myself and gave everything up. You taught me never to give up, Paul. Made me promise that even if anything happens, I'll still go on. Like the water that keeps flowing through—no rock, no boulder can stop it. It makes its own way. 

You won my heart, Paul. In the gentlest of ways. It happened so naturally, as if it was meant to be. I loved the concept of us together. The time, the days, we spent were beautiful. Do you remember the first time you sent me your photo on Wattpad, Paul? Your shy smile, bespectacled face, wavy brown hair, short side burns. Looked so hot. In one word- mesmerizing! Wow... My heart flipped like gazillion times. You were more than words can express, Paul. 


This was something unheard of in India, Paul. And as a Muslim, it was taboo- a heinous sin. God forbid if my community got a whiff of my preferences as a person. There'd be hell to pay for. Just thinking about the consequences sent shudders down my spine. But you know, I didn't care anymore. With you by my side, I felt I could face the world. There was a strength, a courage in your support, Paul. And I wasn't ready to let "us" down.  I'll stand and fight. 

Hope this answers your questions, Diary. Will talk to you soon :)