The Sky is Everywhere

Chapter Twenty-Five

Then again, maybe they'll be tangled up in it simply for being Seconds.

I think and think and think, until my head is aching, and Taffy is still patiently waiting for me to open up to her, but I can't. The whole point of helping Roan's group was to help everyone, especially my friends. I am still fighting for them, still trying to protect them.

But I have to give Taffy something.

I can't keep shutting her out.

And I can't keep bottling everything up inside.

"What if someone you care about turns out to be using you, but they were actually doing it for a good reason? To help a lot of other people," I say.

"You know for sure that they were using you?"

"Yes," I say, and the word is bitter on my tongue.

"And you know for sure that it was a good reason?"

My throat dries up and I have to swallow a couple of times to get the words out. "Yes. But if . . . if that person wanted a chance to explain – should I listen?"

"Do you want to?"

"Yes," I say before I have time to think about it.

"Then that's your answer. If you want to listen, then listen."

I swallow again, and roll over. Boots is lying next to my pillow, as usual, and I push my face against his fur, breathing in the warm, familiar smell of him. He sniffs at me, his whiskers tickling my skin, and a few more tears escape, sliding down my cheeks and soaking into his fur.

What Taffy says makes sense, but –

"What if I'm scared to?" I whisper.

"Look, Caia, I don't know what's going on and I wish you would tell me, but I do understand that this is something you want to keep secret. But you're obviously miserable right now, and it's because of whatever is going on with whoever this mystery person is. Maybe you're scared to talk to them, but however hard that is, it can't be worse than what you're going through now."

I turn her words over and over in my mind, still keeping my face mashed against Boots's furry little side.

She's right.

Nothing changes what Roan has done, but I do want to hear his explanation. More than that, I need to.

I can't stop thinking about him.

I can't forget the sound of his voice and the way his mouth fits against mine. I lift my fingers to my lips, tracing them as if there's still an imprint of his kiss there.

I gave him my whole heart, and he smashed it into pieces, but I think he still has some of those pieces, and that's why I can't let him go.

Facing him again is going to hurt, but will it hurt more than it already is?

There's only one way to find out.

The next day I go back to the fence.

I have no idea what I'm going to say.

I used to be so comfortable around Roan, and now I don't know how to behave. My whole body feels awkward and uncoordinated, and I have no idea what to do with my hands.