The Sky is Everywhere

Chapter Thirteen

Nurse Barrett doesn't say it, but she seems faintly annoyed to see me back. I showed no signs of a concussion yesterday, so she must've thought that she was done with me.

She checks me over, but it feels perfunctory, like she's just going through the motions.

"Have you been eating properly?" she says.

I smell coffee on her breath; that's good. Hopefully she's still drinking it and hasn't finished it already.

"Eggs for breakfast, and chicken with rice for lunch," I reply.

She narrows her eyes. "Do you need a pregnancy test?"

I almost choke on my own breath. "What?"

She gives a thin little smile. "You're a Second, Caia. You more than anyone should appreciate that birth control is not absolute."

"I'm not . . . I've never . . ." My skin feels hot and tight, because I've never even come close to sex, but now she's brought it up I can't stop thinking about it, and Roan, and my face is burning like the sun.

"Hmm."

Okay, this isn't the way things were meant to go. I need to get this back on track.

"I didn't . . . I didn't sleep well last night," I say, biting my lip and looking up at her. "I kept thinking Gavin was going to come back. I kept having horrible nightmares."

"The boy who hit you? I understand that he's currently in Isolation. You have nothing to worry about."

"Every time I close my eyes, I see him," I say, twisting my hands together. "I know he can't get to me, but I can't stop thinking about it, and if I try to sleep then I dream about him, and –" I break off with a sob.

Maybe I'm laying it on a bit thick, but it's clear that Nurse Barrett isn't in this job because she really cares about the health and wellbeing of Seconds. I'm gambling that if I play it just right, she'll give me what I want just to shut me up.

"Can I . . ." I peek up at her, my whole face wobbling. "Can I take a sleeping pill? Like the ones my roommate has? She always says that they get rid of her nightmares."

Nurse Barrett purses her lips. "I'm not sure that's really necessary."

"Please," I say, and my voice cracks. "I'm so exhausted and I just want to sleep, but I can't . . . and . . . and . . ." I dissolve into sobs, burying my face in my hands so she can't see I'm not crying actual tears.

"Oh for goodness' sake," she mutters, so low that I'm not sure whether or not I was meant to hear it. She raises her voice. "Fine."

I'm pretty sure, based on what Taffy's said, that this wouldn't have worked on the outside. Nurses out there aren't going to cave to the pressure of a crying teenager, but things are different in the CC. For the first time, I'm glad.

I want to watch Nurse Barrett fetch the pills so I know exactly where she keeps them, but it might look suspicious if I stop crying the second I get what I want, so I keep my face buried in my hands. I try to peek through my fingers, but her back is to me; I can't see what she's doing.

I feel a twinge of panic. I'd hoped to see where she kept them so that, if this plan falls to pieces, I'll know where they are if I need them again.

The nurse marches back over to me, holding a white blister pack of pills. "One of these will put you out for about four hours. No dreams of any kind," she says, and her tone of voice makes it clear that she thinks I'm wasting her time.

She pops a pill out of the pack and hands it to me. "You can only have one, otherwise you'll sleep through dinner."

This is where I have to be very careful. I put the pill in my mouth and make a show of trying to swallow it, while trying not to. I've seen Taffy take these things before; they work fast. If I accidentally swallow one, then I'll be asleep in a minute or two, and I won't wake up for hours.