Happy Place || A Jerrie Fanfiction

IV - MY VOICE

"Ah," she said, and squeezed my hand. "My sister and I played volleyball there awhile ago."

I stared at her in shock, "You remembered?"

"Remembered what?"

"Where you played with your sister."

"Oh, yeah, of course. We play there all the time, Jade Thirlwall."

I grinned. "Why do you keep on saying my full name?"

"Memory problems," she simply answered, squeezing my hand again.

My smile disappeared almost immediately. "What kind?"

Perrie merely shrugged. "The kind that makes you forget some stuff."

"Can you at least be specific?" I prodded.

"It's no big deal, Jade Thirlwall."

She said it so dismissively, as if it really is no big deal. But underneath the indifference, I knew that she's not ready to dive into that topic yet, not when she's going to have to talk about it with a complete stranger like myself. So I shut my mouth, and mentally scolded myself for being too nosy.

And that's when my phone decided to vibrate inside my bag.

"Hold on," I say as I dig through my bag to retrieve the device. When I see Steve's name on the phone, I knew that I'm in deep trouble. I looked to Perrie, "Hey, would you mind if I..."

Perrie flashed a smile and shook her head. "Of course not." And then she lets go of my hand.

I walked a few steps away from her before answering the call. "Steve, I can explain -"

"Where are you?"

I paused, taken aback by his concerned tone. I expected him to get mad at me and shout or something like all directors do when one of their main casts are being hard headed.

"I, uhm," I bit my lip before continuing, "I can't tell you. I don't want any of you guys to find me."

There was a pause, before I heard his gentle voice, "Jade, is this... is this because of what happened? Are you... -" I hear him gulp in fear, and I took it as a sign to interject.

"No, Steve," I said. My mind raced as I tried to think of a convincing reason. "I just needed a break."

"Yeah, I know. Jesy told me. But a break from what, exactly?"

My head is really starting to hurt now. "From life, I guess. Listen, Steve, I have to go. If you wanna replace me then feel free to do it."

"No, I'll wait for you. In two months, if you won't come back, I'll look for you," he insisted, and I feel my gut turn into ice when he hung up on me.

"Shit," I muttered, falling down on the soft sand with my knees pressed against my chest and my arms wrapped around them. "Shit, shit, shit."

This can't be happening right now. I can't go back, not to him. I can't go back. I don't wanna go back. I can't do this. I can't, I can't, I can't.

Suddenly, I feel like I'm inside four walls, and they are closing in on me every minute, almost as if it's intentionally attempting to choke me, suffocate me.

Fuck, I thought, not again, please. Not again.

Beads of sweat are forming on my forehead and I just had to remove the strap of my bag in order to at least get some fresh air.

But why am I still short of breath? Why am I still struggling to regain my composure? All these thoughts were just running around my head like an interminable marathon.

I feel sweaty, and nauseous. It was as if someone dumped a bucket of ice water on my chest and I couldn't help but shiver as it runs down to my arms, then to my legs.

"Hey, hey, hey." I can hear Perrie's voice, but it was distant, like she was a kilometer away.

Then I felt her hands on both my shoulders, shaking me. Her blue worried eyes peered into mine and it was too much for me to handle that I had to look away.

"Hey, Jade Thirlwall, look at me. Look at me, please." It was a struggle to finally meet her gaze, but when I succeeded, she smiled. "Okay, now, close your eyes."

I closed my eyes shut immediately, now only hearing my staggered breaths and the ocean waves I now find loud and maddening.

Then her voice, "Okay, now listen to my voice. Only my voice. Don't listen to the wind howling, don't listen to the ocean waves splashing, just listen to my voice."

"I'm t-trying, Per -" I tried to say.

I felt her hands tightening their grip on shoulders. Then I felt her encircling her arms around me in an embrace. Her lips at the shell of my ear, and I suddenly remembered our first meeting this morning; remembered how she leaned close but the difference is that back then, she was trying to flirt.

Right now, she's trying to console.

"Breathe," she whispered in a voice I instantly found soothing, one of her hands rubbing my back gently. "Listen to my voice. Do as I say, Jade Thirlwall. Breathe."

I struggled but I was successful. My chest visibly heaving as I repeatedly inhale and exhale. Let all the apprehension out my system, and let in the calmness. I still feel her hand rubbing my back, sometimes pausing at the middle, before resuming the rubbing. Her embrace exuded warmth. Her voice exuded comfort.

She resumed cooing in my ear, and I continued to listen before sleep decided to govern me.