Siege - Sci-Fi (M/M)

10. Finally getting to the bottom of things

Izander

Jaxenayo had been avoiding me all week, and not just by a normal amount. It was as if he was going out of his way to not speak to me. Even my instructions as navigator were passed on through others when possible. I did not like this one bit.

I had explained myself to him so I had no idea why he was being like this. He seemed ok with my answers, but now he had me worried again. Was he afraid to speak to me in case I did something again? He needn't worry, I won't ever be repeating that mistake. I had made myself sick with worry over that episode and I wasn't willing to feel like that again.

Maybe I should leave it and let it be what it is. Me and Jax just did not get on, and we shouldn't try and force a friendship that wasn't there. This made me sad, as he was the first being that I had felt it possible to be with, and he was never going to want to be with me.

Still, I couldn't shake the feeling that I had missed something, that there still may have been some confusion in the air. I supposed it could have been a matter of pride. I did sort of interrupt him and take away the pleasure of giving me a punishment, or telling me off. Did he want to shout at me, then get me to beg to not report it? Secaro seem to like to be in charge, so I may have messed up him quick power-trip.

So what do you do when you're in this situation? I thought about going up to him and just blabbing everything I am thinking and feeling in hope that that will clear the air, but that is an awful idea.

I could also just leave it and maybe over time, we can just be normal to one another, like the rest of the crew. But this isn't enough for me. I will always be wondering whether I should have said something, or done something, or made more of an effort of friendship.

I thought about trying to force a friendship on him. I could corner him in the canteen and force him to join in with us all socially. Make an excuse to hang out. Something, anything. I fear that my efforts will be fought against as he is Secaro and they don't socialise with us at the best of times.

A final solution would be to shout at him, telling him how he shouldn't be annoyed that I didn't let him threaten me and then beg (assuming he was after a power-trip). That is rash, and probably well out of order though, even if he is a jerk like that.

I keep thinking on this for the rest of the trip. I can't seem to settle on a plan of action, which as a result makes me see only one logical solution. I shall speak to him again and ask. The worst he can do it ignore me - he can't exactly report me for asking him a couple of questions.

Even if he decides to report me on previous offences, I can threaten to report him for being hostile and not giving me proper orders - that can be my back up plan. I shall try and refrain from actually doing this though as it could reflect badly on me, nobody ever really reports a Secaro unless absolutely necessary.

It is the last day, and the time has come. He still hasn't lightened up around me so I know that I do need to do this. A couple others have noticed the way he is acting towards me and don't want to socialise with me too much as a result - if he hates me, he may hate them is their reasoning.

We land at some point during the morning shift, and we have a few hours before we set off again and before I need to sleep. My place is not too far from the Earth port we dock at so we should have time for a half hour chat there. I have decided to waste time taking us there because it is completely private. There are inter-coms in the cabins so if somebody really wanted to listen in, they could.

I march up to Jax's cabin and knock on. His doors open and his face is in shock - well, it looks a little like shock but its hard to tell with Secaro. 'Come with me. I won't take no for an answer.' I am not letting him get out of this one.

'I'll put on my civilian clothes and join you.' His doors are closed for a couple of minutes before they open again. He is dressed completely in black - almost still like a uniform - but he looks really nice. It may be hard to control myself around him alone... I should get a grip, I need to be completely on-guard the whole time. I won't make a slip-up. 'Shall we?'

I walk us to mine, it is only 15 minutes or so and I don't want to use my travel points up on this to be honest. My apartment looks the same as every other one in the area, but I have a few personal touches here and there to make it my own. Jax doesn't seem impressed, but as I said, it's hard to tell.

He stares at me, waiting for me to speak. We haven't got loads of time so quickly start, 'Why won't you speak to me? Do you hate me? Are you mad you didn't get to go on a power-trip and shout at me? What is it?'

'Excuse me? Don't be ridiculous!' He seems mad. I so should have thought a bit more about the exact words before I spoke them.

'Right, I am speaking rashly again. Let me explain my side of everything from the start and you can decide how to best reply once I am finished. I want no interuptions and you will let me finish because something still isn't right and I want to make damn sure it is not because of me.' He nods in agreement.

'When I met you at the bar, I thought I was being friendly but I have a habit of speaking without thinking and realised I may have offended you. I apologised but you were typical Secaro and remained emotionless and unresponsive which saddened me because I actually quite fancied you.' His eyes widened when I mentioned that, but I continued.

'I was shocked to say the least when you turned up on my ship but I thought it best to be polite as I usually am with most of the passengers. That's when I realised you may be new to Earth and need a little help with the language which I took pleasure in doing as I wanted to speak to you some more.

When you were revealed as new crew, I was a mix of afraid and excited. I wanted to get to know you more, but also was afraid we wouldn't be able to sort out the awkwardness. But somehow, we just kept messing up. When you held my hand I felt tingles, like I do anytime we shake hands, and I just had to kiss you as you left my cabin even if I didn't consciously realise it.

I felt sick thinking of how much I may have messed up, especially as you wouldn't talk to me. I know Secaro and human men just don't mix together but I really hoped to be the exception, even if it was a long shot. I know you don't like me like that but I would love to be friends because you are the only being, human or otherwise, that I felt connected to ever.

So what I am saying is I like you, can you be my friend, I don't regret the kiss or anything else but I can put it behind me if it means we can be norm-' I didn't get to finish as Jax took it upon himself to interupt (I guess he does like the power-trip), but it wasn't the interuption I was expecting.

HE was kissing ME.