Siege - Sci-Fi (M/M)

8. How can I make this better?

Izander

What the hell did I just do?! We were just shaking hands and I had a sudden urge. I have never felt that need before - the need to just have somebody. I really shouldn't have kissed him, he didn't even react to it. Well, apart from walking out the door as soon as I pulled away. He hadn't even given me any indication it was ok to do, I was just impulsive.

And he is Secaro - they just do not go for human men. In no rational world would what I have done be acceptable behaviour. There is no way he is going to stand for it. Probably went straight to report me to the Captain. Fuck. Just when I thought I had sorted our problem out, and discover I hadn't done anything wrong, I go and do something very wrong.

Things were going so well and we were finally able to have a normal conversation. The hand holding had worked like he had thought, even if it was very distracting for me. Maybe that is what it was. I may have subconsciously mis-read the signals and when he touched my hand again, my brain got confused. Yes, that must be it. That sounds believable, right?

I may just have to face the fact that I have really messed up this time. I am standing in my cabin, having not moved from the spot for 5 minutes, just waiting for my wrist-com to beep and ask me to report to the Captains quarters immediately. Any minute now it will happen. Maybe another 5, he may have got stopped along the way.

It was another 15 minutes before I actually decided to move. I may as well get a work out in whilst I am waiting so I decide to head to the gym. There are only a few guys in here, and they are all quite focused on what they are doing, so I guess word hasn't spread about a crew-mate doing the unspeakable yet. I go to the treadmill and lose track of time for a while, running off some steam.

When my legs begin to tire out, I head to the showers and noticed my wrist-com still hasn't beeped. It must be tricky trying to decide a punishment before they speak to me about it - maybe I am the first to step out of line like this. I go to sleep that afternoon wracking my brains trying to think of what is taking the Captain so long to call for me.

I wake up in the evening to the sound of my wrist-com beeping. Finally, this has been torture. Time to find out when I'll be shipped back to earth, a disgraced man. I check my wrist-com to look at the message. Oh, silly me, it was just my alarm. I am starting to think that Jax didn't go and report me, but as I put on my uniform for the night, a thought occurs. What if they are waiting for me as I arrive on shift, to publicly disgrace me in front of my crew-mates as part of the punishment?

I am walking down the corridor when I hear hushed words. 'Never heard of someone doing this before...'

'...I hear he is being marched off the ship when we next land back on Earth...'

'...Poor guy doesn't deserve this...'

'...Serves him right...' That last one was coming from inside the cabin. I was talk of the ship so it seemed.

I walked in with my head held high. I had to if I was going to be stuck in a room with these guys for almost 2 weeks till we were back on Earth.

'Hey! We need to talk to you.' Someone was directing that at me.

'Yes?' I acted as innocent as I could.

'What do you make of this Somers situation? Does he really deserve to get moved to a crappy job on Earth over a few crumbs?' What? This was all over Somers?

I didn't get to respond as Jax then walked in. Everyone hushed up in front of the man responsible for Somers termination from the ship and I just froze up anyway. What is going to happen? I can't even look at him and I'm still half expecting to be shouted out here in front of people. Will they notice something is up?

Jax walks over to me. Here is goes...

'How are the conditions Stottle?' Wh- 'I hear there may be an asteroid belt  a few miles off our course.'

'Oh. It it heading away from us so we shouldn't have to alter course sir.' He walked away, pleased with the response. That was strange - although it is every time we speak. But no mention of this morning, not a hint of a problem in his voice. Now I am concerned as anybody else would have reported me. Maybe he is waiting because he didn't want to report 2 people in one day - it could have made him look bad and discredited his word.

I don't relax for the whole shift, twitching any time he talks to me. How can he act like nothing happened? Maybe he really doesn't care. As good as that may be, I can't help but feel a little disappointed that he doesn't care about me or my actions.

'Stottle.' A voice calls me as I am relieved of duty. It is one of the technicians, Stevens. 'Care to join me and some of the other humans for a game of poker?'

'I don't know how to play. But I would have if I could.' I reply honestly. Poker was an old human game that nearly died out due to the Secaros dislike in gambling. Humans somehow managed to keep it alive by making it a points only game instead of a gambling kind.

'Well you don't have to play. You can come and watch a few rounds and maybe have a go once you get the hang of it. It's about time you start to get yourself properly acquainted with some of the others.'

'Sure, why not?

'We are meeting in the leisure room in half hour. See you there.' He walked away and I headed to my cabin. I hadn't had much chance to socialise with the others yet and now was the perfect opportunity, even if I didn't know how to play.

Half hour later, I made my way to my first ever game of poker. I ddn't join in for the first couple of rounds but once I thought I'd picked up the basics, I got dealt in. As expected, I failed miserably but I didn't let that put me off. It took a couple go's before I started to better myself, and that's when I noticed Jax had entered the room.

I felt his eyes bore into me the whole time, watching my every move. I guess he wasn't so ok with what I had done. His staring made me uneasy, but this seemed to effect my game for the better as I made me harder to read by my opponents.

An hour or so later, I had managed to claw back some of the start up points I was given and had almost lost. A few more games another day and I might actually start to do well, but for now I had to retire as I needed sleep.

I was walking in the corrdors when I was stopped. 'Stottle, a word please?' It was Jax. Oh no, I was finally going to be in trouble.