do you know who you are? | harry styles

56: visiting

"well fuck you then!" i left the room, went upstairs and sat in harry and i's bed sobbing. i knew why i was feeling this way but my mental health was making it harder.
"mara" harry opened the door. "im sorry"
"its fine" i sniffled.
"i saw the test in the bin" he admitted. i looked up at him and wiped my tears. "when were you gonna tell me?"
"i didn't know if you wanted another one..."
"its not up to me baby, its your choice" he gave me a hug and wiped away my tears.
"well...are you ready for child number two?"
"more than ready" he kissed my hands. "whats wrong?" he asked.
"my mums ill and she doesnt want me to visit" i started crying again. "she hasn't even met maia yet! its bad enough i wasn't told when my dad died, now this" i sobbed.

"well...i think you should go anyway - we all will. your mums living alone, it must get pretty lonely. we'll all go over regularly and help out. okay?"
"harry she hates you" i wept.
"so? i try to treat everyone with kindness"

the next day i got ready into wide leg jeans and a black t shirt. harry had only met my mum once and he found her terrifying - she really was. We love my scary Christian mother.

we made it to the house and i unlocked it - i kept my key incase. it was so quiet that i forgot everyone had already gotten married. i saw my mum in the kitchen, drinking tea. harry and maia let me go talk to her first.

"hi mum" i sniffled. she looked at me. tears filled her eyes. she got up and just gave me a massive hug.
"um...i know you dont want to see me but...harry, maia and i wanted to come and help out" i explained. "i dont care about what's happened in the past. i want to do what i can. it was harrys idea to come actually" i said.

my mum paused. "could you tell him to go upstairs? i need to speak to him. you and maia can cook something"

HARRYS POV
i was literally shaking. i sat at the end of the bed, calming myself. the door opened and maras mum came in. she closed the door and sat beside me.

"I...still dont approve. but its good to see her alive. honestly...i thought she'd do something. i didn't even know she had a child. thank you for looking after her"
"i'd do anything for her" i replied.
"and thank you for choosing to come over"
"anytime. honestly,,,ive wanted ti properly meet you for ages. mara talks about you"
"really?"
"yeah. she tells me you make a neat pasta"
"oh my god" she sighed. "Well...do you want to see her old room?"
"Oh uh sure!"

There was a small room at the end of the hall and she opened it to reveal...yup, mara. The room described her well. Very tidy except for the desk and lots of decoration.
"Mum! Thats so embarrassing!" My wife had come upstairs to look for something and spotted us, while i sniggered.

MARAS POV
Later on, Maia was tidying up whilst Harry and I were sat with my Mum telling her about the past year. She was literally holding her fucking rosary. I went to put the dinner plates back and began to wash up whilst Maia went upstairs to finally meet her grandmother (she didn't utter a word about her lesbianism which she chose to do). As i was finishing i heard the door slam and went i turned around i saw my older sister Claire.

I fucking hated Claire.

My whole life she had treated me like shit. From calling me awful names to talking the most shit about me to everyone i knew. Embarrassing me, manipulating me...yeah, she fucking sucked. She wasn't that religious but she was a favourite.

"What are you doing here!?" She exclaimed.
"I uh...my family and i decided to visit"
"Wh-your family!? Y-you brought him into our home!?"
"Mums fine with it. She likes him..."
"You really think Mum really likes your pathetic little rockstar husband? Oh please, shes still fucking ashamed on you for walking out on us for him"
"Oh my God it was years ago! What choice did I have? I had literally zero freedom here"
"Oh don't give me that bullshit! You're just here go gaslight Mum, aren't you?"
"No! I...i'm doing the dishes!? Wh-how does that correlate to gaslighting?"
"We're so much happier without you. You ruined everything. I'm so glad Dad isn't here to see what you became. Maybe you should have succeeded that one September"

Tw dark thoughts

And with that, she turned around and went upstairs to her room. Tears were streaming down my cheeks at this point. I was eyeing the knife on the table next to me so hard.
"Don't even think about it" I looked to my left to see Harry standing there, tears in his eyed.
"Why not?" I whimpered.
"Because it isn't worth it" He sidled over and just pulled me into his arms, causing me to cry my eyes out onto his shirt.
"I love you so much" I sobbed. "I just...i..."
"What baby? Tell me"
"I wish i wasn't here anymore"