Lure of the Monster

Dark Place

I walked into the school as the tardy bell rang. Already, I could see Mr. Hope's beady eyes narrow in on me as my head pounded. I slid my sunglasses off my face and followed his direction into the office. His secretary looked up at me, a disapproving look on her face. I hadn't decided if that look was reserved for me or if it's just how her face looks.

"In here," Mr. Hope said, motioning towards the counselor's office.

I paused, frowning at him. "That's not our normal meeting spot."

"Change of pace today," Mr. Hope said as he put his hands into his pant pockets. "I've been speaking with Mr. Naylor recently and we both agree that it may be best that you spend some time with him. Until things calm down, that is."

I arched an eyebrow. "Until things calm down?"

He nodded. "We probably should have had you do this after the...incident, but your aunt said that you were speaking to a counselor, so we thought we would hold off on it."

My aunt had said I was speaking to a counselor. Her boyfriend was the counselor that she had wanted me to see. I'd gone to one session with him and then sat through dinner, feeling like he was trying to diagnose me the entire time.

"I should get to class," I told him, backing away from the door. "You know, I am failing, so I think that would be more beneficial than me speaking with a counselor."

"We've found a peer tutor for you, Beckham. You'll start today after the last bell. Every day until your grades come up. If you don't report, you'll be serving in school suspension with me in my office until you are no longer failing," Mr. Hope replied gruffly.

I sighed, casting my eyes to the ceiling. "I really don't think that is necessary."

"It's not so bad," Mr. Naylor said as he joined us outside his office. "We don't have to talk about how you feel. We can talk about how classes are going, sports, the weather, whatever you want to until you're comfortable."

Comfortable. I didn't know when the last time I had been comfortable was. I wasn't even sure if I knew what me being comfortable looked or felt like. I'd fallen so deep into my own shit that I didn't know if there was any part of the old me left.

Six months ago, I would have never shown up to school hungover. Now, I was drinking almost every day. Now, I was getting high in the bathrooms between bells, before school, and after school. I used to be an honors student, but I'd given up on all of that. Who wanted to spend all of their time studying and stressing? What was the point of it all? I'd been a stellar football and baseball athlete, having recruiters come to see me as a sophomore and a junior. Now, as a senior, I didn't have the will to go to college. Who needed a degree when it could all be taken away in an instant?

"Just during your free period, Beckham. I won't be bugging you in the hallway, trying to act cool. That's not what this is about," Mr. Naylor said, leaning against the doorway.

I backed away from them. It felt as though the room was shrinking. They were trying to ambush me without ambushing me. Trying to tell me what they thought was best for me when they didn't know me at all. All they knew was what had been on the news and what was in my file. I'd been at that school for over three years and never had either of them taken an interest in me until I became an at-risk student and that didn't bode well with the state.

I wasn't stupid. I may have done stupid things, but I still was able to tell when I was being tricked into something.

"I can't deal with this," I told them before I spun around and made a break for the door.

"Mr. Stanton!" Mr. Hope shouted after me.

I heard him say something to his secretary, but I didn't stop. I bolted out of the school and across the parking lot to my car. My eyes stung as I fumbled for the right key to unlock my car. My vision becoming blurred, my hands shaking. I couldn't hold them still long enough to unlock the damn doors.