psycho - nct, markhyuck

⍨ chapter 1

i remember some point of my life where everything was easy.

well, at least, it seemed to be.

anyway, it's not the case anymore.

i remember being able to walk through the school corridors and greet people on my way.

i remember people coming to see me instead of stepping away to avoid me.

i remember them calling me 'donghyuck' and not 'freak'.

i remember a lot of things actually.

i would have preferred to forget them.

"hello donghyuck. don't forget to close the door."

i did as i was told and sat on the sofa, just in front of my psychologist.

this guy, doyoung, could be considered as my only friend since it happened. sure, he was way older and he may not see me at all as a friend, but i did.

"how are you today?"

"bad, as usual."

doyoung chuckled, i hated when he did that. it always made me think he was making fun of me.

"think positive, hyuck. positive."

"yeah, yeah. i'm trying."

"you know..."

i tensed. i guess he was about to talk about what happened in class last week.

"...some of your teachers spoke to me."

"i didn't do it on purpose." i mumbled.

my psychologist softened his look. "donghyck. i'm willing to help you. but you have to open up. i've been trying to help for a bit more than two months now, but i need you to tell me more than 'i feel bad' and 'i don't feel like talking'. i need solid answers. talking will help."

i looked at him in the eye, but my vision was clouded by a mixture of rage and sadness. there were no tears forming in my eyes, but for some reason, i couldn't see clear.

"s-something isn't right with me."

doyoung put his hand on my knee to reassure me. "everything is right with you. there's just someone who hurt you. deeply. and that's what we're here to heal."

i nodded.

"but first, you have to tell me why you stuck a pencil into that girl's thigh."

i played with the hem of my shirt.

why had i done that? these pencils were my favourites. i didn't want her ugly blood to stain my pretty pencil. but i had to. i couldn't bear hearing her talking about him that way. i am the only one allowed to talk about him that way.

"she was talking about him in a way i didn't like." i said feeling my cheeks getting heated.

"talking about whom?"

i brought a hand to my heart. "that boy."

"the one who hurt you?"

i nodded.

"what was she saying?"

"how handsome he was." i replied, recalling perfectly the long monologue i had cut by sticking the pencil in her thigh.

doyoung sighed. "i understand you may be jealous donghyuck, but that's not something you should do. you could have seriously harmed her."

i nodded.

"and that's not the only complaint i received from your teachers. there were others..."

"i know."

of course, there were others.

he became the most popular student of the school!

every single student knows about him.

every single time you walk in a corridor, you hear his name.

every single day, you see his face.

it is impossible to forget about him.

so, tell me. how can i push my feelings aside and just live as if nothing ever happened?

i needed to evacuate my stress and just... evacuate.

"donghyuck?"

i raised my head, waiting for doyoung to continue.

"do you have a friend?"

i chuckled bitterly, remembering the old times.

"i had plenty. i was friends with the whole school. but well... shit happens."

doyoung looked at me with a look full of compassion. or was it pity? i didn't know anymore. nor did i care.

with time going on, i had learned that the look of others didn't mean anything to me. so i shouldn't give it too much importance.

"no. i don't have friends." i said seriously after a while.

doyoung rose to his feet and approached me.

"my brother is around your age. he's a kind guy. he would be glad to have a friend like you."

i snorted. "who would be glad to be friends with a psycho?"

"you're not a psycho."

"yes. that's exactly what i am."

"no. you're far from that." doyoung said sternly.

i clapped in my hands, raising to my feet as well. "oh! you're right. i'm not a psycho. i'm a freak. which is way better than being a psycho."

doyoung stayed silent for a second before sighing.

"think positive, donghyuck."

"once again, it's hard when the world is against you." i spat.

"do you want to meet my brother?"

i rolled my eyes. "we can always try, but i can't guarantee he won't run away from me."

"he a good guy."

i raised a brow. "then that would be an exception in that world of assholes."

doyoung closed his eyes in despair surely. i hope he understood i wouldn't be a patient like any other.

"should we end our session right now?" i asked.

"yeah, you know where the door is." doyoung told, going back to his desk. "and don't forget to close it."