Stand By Me

Chapter Four

"You married him! You knew he was hurting me and — and you still married him," he says, volume dipping as the emotion in his throat threatens to cut off his voice entirely. He sucks in a heaving breath, one arm moving to wrap around his sore ribs as he curls in a little, attempting to ease some of the pain that breathing is causing. "I don't — why? Why would you do that?" He asks, the questions he's been wanting, no, needing, to ask for so long.

But his mother provides no answers. She shakes her head and steps towards him, looking hurt. "Baby. You know I love you. But the minute I try to stop him once he gets going, he'll hurt me too, and then what use will I be? Then who's going to pick you up?" She asks, and it makes no sense, Niall knows that.

But he's a kid and he's hurt and tired and confused and he just wants to be taken care of, he definitely doesn't want his mother to hate him the way that Paul does.

His anger fades and his face crumples, a sob tearing through him as he looks up at the woman in front of him. "M'sorry, Mum, I didn't — I don't mean — it's not your fault," he chokes out, and she lets out another sigh, reaching out to put both of her hands on his shoulders, not moving them when he winces.

"It's okay," she tells him, pulling him into her front gently, moving her hands around to his back and holding him there for a moment. He holds her back, almost frantically, fingers twisting up in the material of her cardigan and gripping onto it tightly, touch-starved and desperate for the comfort that he knows the hug should provide. His mother remains stiff in the embrace but he barely even notices past the guilt filtering through him.

How could he ask his mother to get involved when Paul is so angry? How could he put her at risk like that? As much as he wishes she would protect him, he knows that it's better for him to be hurt than for his step-father to be hurting her instead.

After barely half a minute, Mum sighs and starts pulling away. "Alright, alright, that's enough," she says, plucking his arms away from around her waist.

Niall reluctantly peels back, sucking in a shuddering breath and the tears continue to fall. His mother shakes her head and lifts her hands to gently wipe away the tears.

"No more crying, hm? You're too old for all these tears, you're braver than that," she says with a small smile, and Niall feels stupid, trying to swallow down the hurt in his throat that feels as if it's choking him, blinking rapidly in an attempt to hold the rest of the tears back.

He feels like he could cry for hours, feels like he'll suffocate if he doesn't, but he knows that makes him weak. And if he's weak, then that means that Paul is winning, and that's not what he wants.

He nods, wiping at his own eyes when her hands fall away again. "S-Sorry," he says again, and she shakes her head, eyes glazed over slightly so that Niall can't see what she's really feeling in that moment. He can't see much when his vision is still swimming.

"It's okay," she says again, and Niall wants to scream that it isn't, it hasn't been for a long time, but he remains quiet, barely a sniffle escaping him. "Listen, I doubt he'll be back tonight, so it's just you and me. I'll cook us something to eat in a while, so why don't you go ahead and get some homework done, okay?" She tells him.

She speaks like everything is fine, like this is normal. If Niall didn't know any better then he might think the same.

Except he's seen the way things work in other homes. He sees the way that Harry's Dad and Papa take care of Harry and Liam, the way they care about them more than he's ever seen anyone care about anything before. He knows that family isn't supposed to be this way, that the love his mother shows him isn't the kind of love that parents are supposed to have for their kids — it isn't enough, and Niall feels guilty for admitting it even to himself.