Freeing or Fleeing

Chapter Two - Chewing Away the Self-esteem

It was no use though. I could tell he didn't believe me.

"Then why did she complain about having to clean the kitchen and living room? I saw her with my own eyes washing up not too long ago. She told me that Yusuf dropped her home around 11:15pm and she was horrified by the mess." He raised his voice even more. "She took a little rest before she tackled the mess but she couldn't sleep until it was all cleaned up."

I jumped at the sudden outburst, my heart beating hard out of fear. Yusuf is Khadra's younger brother, which sort of confirms Khadra's story since Mum was at their house.

"I don't know." My voice was low in comparison to his. I lowered my gaze and refused to look at him, hiding the fresh tears rolling down my cheeks.

"Are you saying my mother is a liar?" I could really hear the anger in his voice now.

"W-what, no-o." I managed.

"Look at me, Hafeezah," he said, harshly. "I said, look at me!"

I reluctantly looked up, into his eyes. The whites of his eyes were replaced with lines of red from anger. His eyes softened again slightly when he saw my blotchy face from the tears. He cupped my face and used his thumbs to wipe my cheeks.

"Look, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to shout at you. Just, please try to understand. She's my mother and I don't want to see her in any trouble. I hate when she's always moaning about you and I don't know what to do about it anymore. She's not too well and with Dad away, she's sad. She just needs some rest and that's what she came here for. She's always cleaning her own house but I just thought it would be a nice distraction for her to be here until Dad came back. I thought she would get some peace." His voice was softer and his eyes never left mine. "I won't have my friend's over so late next time so that I can help you clear up. How's that?"

He pulled me closer to him and planted a kiss on my forehead before wrapping his arms around me.

I nodded. "I'm sorry," I sniffed.

There was nothing more I could say; he just didn't believe me.

"Go change out of your abaya and let's go to sleep. We don't want to miss Fajr," he said after a while.

I changed, turned the lights off and slipped into bed, the side furthest away from the door. Eijaz was already in bed, his back towards me. I was silent for some time as I stared at the curtains, sleep refusing to take over.

"Hey," I whispered. "Are you asleep?"

"Mm." Was his only response.

I couldn't help myself. I needed to know. "Do you still want me to be your wife?"

He mumbled something like, "you're crazy." Then he continued more coherently. "Of course I do. In this world and the next. Why?"

"No reason."

He turned to face me but I couldn't really see his face in the dark.

"Is it because I shouted at you? Spouses shout at each other sometimes. It doesn't mean they love each other any less. I didn't fight for you for no reason, you know."

I didn't say anything back to that. I wasn't sure if I felt relieved after that.

"Now, can we go to sleep please? I'm tired." Not a minute later, he was snoring.

~~~

I was woken up again but this time from shouts that were coming from downstairs. I sat up, rubbing the sleep from my eyes and I was instantly engulfed by a headache. It had to be from all the crying I did last night. I glanced over at the clock and saw that it was 10:32am. Who could possibly be shouting at this time? Eijaz left for work long ago. I got up, changing out of my pyjamas and into something more appropriate in case it was a guest. I put on the only Salwar Kameez I could find that wasn't creased and it happen to be bottle green, which I am not too fond of but I couldn't do anything at that point. I found the hijab and niqab that I wore yesterday on the headboard of the bed and grabbed the two, quickly throwing it on. The volume of the shouting increased and so did my urgency to go down.