FLAIR: SB19 AU

Chapter 1.4

CHAPTER 1.4

JALE CADENCE

AMIDST THE roaring excitement of the bar's crowd, I couldn't help but be engulfed by the pulsating energy in the venue. We were on the brink of performing just two songs tonight, yet the anticipation from our fans and everyone in attendance was palpable. Kalma, kami lang 'to guys!

"Who wouldn't feel it, right?" I mused to myself, casting a glance at the sea of faces before us. It had been a while since our last performance, primarily because we had all been engrossed in our academic pursuits. Sa sobrang busy namin talagang nakakabingi 'yong sigaw ng crowd.

Being a Fine Arts student is incredibly demanding, especially considering that we're in our peak year, all of us are graduating students. As I reflected on my age compared to the others, I realized I'm a bit late, given that I should be only focusing on my working career right now. Ilang taon na ako o! Minsan hindi ko maiwasang maisip na dapat mas focus na ako sa pagtatrabaho, pero heto at nag-aaral pa rin ako. Last year naman na. I'll enjoy it while it lasts. At isa pa, there's a reason why I didn't graduate early, and if I had, I certainly wouldn't be here with them.

Atsaka kung papipiliin ako, I'd spend the whole day in my spacious, soft sleigh bed, cuddling my cherished pillow.

My life back then, a buried and traumatic chapter I've tried hard to forget, often felt like a never-ending nightmare. The mere thought of revisiting those memories filled me with dread, as I knew just how horribly my life had unraveled. Masyadong magulo 'yong buhay ko noon, maybe you can even consider it as a reason why I'm stuck at being a college student who provides for his needs and busy himselfs doing his passion, which is music and gaming instead of focusing on typical job careers.

It all began with my father, a man consumed by two vices - alak at sugal. Alam niyo naman 'yong nagagawa ng gano'ng bisyo sa isang tao. The two made a deadly combination, one that wreaked havoc on our household. 'Yong masaya sanang pamilya, bigla na lang nawala na parang bula. His addiction to both was relentless, and my mother and I were caught in the crossfire of his destructive habits.

My father's descent into the abyss of gambling started when I was a young boy. I couldn't have been more than five or six years old when I first saw him sitting at our worn-out kitchen table, counting stacks of crumpled bills and swearing at the deck of cards in front of him. Nakakatakot 'yong itsura niya no'n. Talagang hindi ko hinayaang makita niya akong pinapanood siya kasi alam ko kung ano ang kaya niyang gawin, sa'kin at kay mama. The man who should have been a loving father had morphed into a stranger, driven by the allure of easy riches and the thrill of a winning hand.

It wasn't long before he began to lose more than he won. Every loss was a blow to his ego, a crushing defeat that he couldn't bear to accept. His temper, fueled by alcohol, flared up like a wildfire, and my mother and I became the unwitting targets of his anger. Unti-unting nagbago ang ama ko. At hindi ako naging handa sa mga pagbabagong 'yon.

I remember the nights vividly, the nights when my father would stumble through the front door, reeking of booze and failure. He'd unleash his fury on us, using his words as weapons, and when that wasn't enough to quench his rage, his fists would follow. I was just a child, powerless and terrified, cowering in the corner of my tiny bedroom, while my mother bore the brunt of his blows. I even remembered him tearing down the colorful stickman drawing I made of us, a drawing of a supposed-to-be happy family, but his action became a reflection of him slowly tearing our family apart.

Mga panahong napapatanong ako kung may katapusan ba lahat ng 'yon, kasi hindi ko na kaya. Bata lang ako na hindi pa masyadong maintindihan kung bakit nagkagano'n 'yong tatay ko, na dati rati lang ay maaga kaming gigisingin sa umaga na may ngiti sa mukha pagkauwi niya galing trabaho. Na kahit kadarating niya lang at alam kong pagod siya, hindi niya nakakalimutan na ayain kaming mag-almusal ng dala niyang spaghetti, at isang supot ng pandesal na isasawsaw namin sa mainit na kape.