Memories

Chapter 29.

"Go on, Anakin," Dooku pressed, "strike her down!" Then he turned to the crowd and started rousing them. "Cheer him on! Encourage him!" When they responded by bursting into frenzied shouts and deafening thumping, Dooku kept going. "Yes, yes, carry on! Spur him on! Killing an unarmed person will have disastrous effects on the Jedi! It will shake the Republic's trust in them! Neutral systems will see this as betrayal from the Jedi and join the Separatists! Planets such as Mandalore, whose trust is currently fragile, will finally see sense in this confused galaxy! Strike her down, Anakin! Do it!"

My entire arms, right from the shoulders, were shaking, and every raggedy breath I took was laced with pain from suppressing the power. If I let it go, I could avenge Obi-Wan. If I killed Asajj, she would get what she deserved. Why would it bother me if I was going against the Jedi code ... against the very grain of my being?

My shoulder dropped just slightly, and I could feel the fury starting to dwindle. But I lifted my arm a little higher again, clenching my fingers around the metal hilt. I was doing this for Obi-Wan! I was getting revenge ... for him.

Dooku's words rang in my ears. "Planets such as Mandalore ...." Satine lived on Mandalore. Anger snapped inside me, the power gaining even more strength. She would be heartbroken if she saw Obi-Wan like this. Why? Because she loved him.

Again, I lowered the weapon in my hand, just a touch. Padmé loved me. What would she think if she saw me like this? What would she say if she watched me kill a defenceless woman? She would be heartbroken.

But the power was engulfing my whole body, the Force wrapped around and inside me in triply-tight knots. It would be so much easier just to let it go. Asajj would be taken care of; she could never hurt anyone I loved again. Surely she deserved to die. Surely it was just.

The voice that whispered in my heart said otherwise. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't shake that pain and betrayal I had felt from her. She wasn't happy with her lot.

"You can do it; I believe in you .... Come on, my friend." Obi-Wan's voice, seemingly from nowhere, sounded in my mind. I didn't know if it was a memory, or if it was really happening in the present. But whatever the case, it shook me to reality. Obi-Wan wasn't actually dead. I was wanting to get vengeance for his death, which hadn't actually happened.  

I wrestled with myself, struggling against the urge to let it all go. The pain I felt last time blew into my mind like a gentle breath of wind, offering just a glimpse of the agony it had taken to keep it in. How could I do it this time? Didn't Asajj deserve this? No, no one deserved it. 

A fuzzy picture floated into my mind: Obi-Wan, smiling, glowing with pride at my decision – my decision not to kill Asajj. He saw so much more in me ... so much more than even I saw in myself. It would have broken his heart, too, if I had tried to avenge him.

"I believe in you ...." How could I keep this power in? I could just let it go. But I knew no one deserved that. Even the worst deserved a second chance. If I didn't give her one, why should I be allowed one myself? 

I squeezed the power, taking a firm hold on it and bottling it up tightly. My body shook terribly from the effort, and I knew I wasn't extinguishing the power, but I was containing it – I hoped, anyway. So long as I didn't get a fright ....

My arm dropped to my side, and I deactivated the lightsaber as did so.

The wild shouting and thunderous drumming suddenly ceased, snuffed like a candle as the whole crowd held their breath, waiting.

My eyes flicked briefly to the stunned face of Asajj before I turned to Dooku. "No." My voice echoed around the eerie silence. "You want to break me, but you won't. I won't do it." I threw the lightsaber away, listening for the satisfying thud it made as it hit the dust.

Nobody dared move, the silence in the air so thick I could have reached out and touched it, as everyone sat with bated breath, waiting.

I could feel Asajj watching me carefully, a riot of emotions playing across her face. Shock, anger, disbelief, and a gentle warmth all competed for her attention, though I couldn't tell which won out.

Having finally found his voice, Dooku called down to me, his tone, more than his words, speaking of his desperation and confusion. "But Anakin, you can get revenge on the one who harmed your friend so severely! You have such a brilliant opportunity! Take it! Seize the day!"

But I stood my ground. "No, Dooku, I won't do it. Revenge ... revenge isn't the Jedi way."

"But who said you're a Jedi?" Asajj sneered, startling me with the menace in her tone. Her eyes flashed with something I didn't like to see. "Who is the one who slaughtered a camp of people – men, women, and children? It wasn't me."

I looked down, feeling the guilt and the shame bearing down on me, hearing the jeers and the laughs that were starting up in the crowd.

"Who did it?" she demanded, louder this time. 

The camera droids whizzed around, catching every moment and every word, and everyone, both behind the cameras and in front of them, waited for my response.

"I did." I kept my eyes down, my voice low.

"Speak up, Jedi!" she shouted. "Or should I call you ... Sith?"

"I did it," I repeated, raising my voice and lifting my eyes again. "I did it."

A cold smile spread across her face. "Then, allow me to get justice for them." She stretched out her hand to pull her lightsaber to herself, but I was too quick, snatching one end while she caught hold of the other. My redirection of concentration almost caused the power inside me to spill over, but I managed to collect myself enough to hang onto the lightsaber and contain the power at the same time.

She pulled. I pulled. Neither of us were willing to let the other have it. But I was exhausted, and Asajj was succeeding in gaining ground. The lightsaber, quivering mid-air, was slowly inching its way towards its mistress's hand.

"Master, catch!" Ahsoka's voice suddenly broke into my thoughts from behind me, distracting both Asajj and I so that the lightsaber dropped to the ground.

I whipped my head around, my hand automatically jerking up to catch the black object that was flying towards me. But this time Asajj was quicker, diving neatly behind me and grabbing the object before it reached me. I felt a flicker of pleasure in the Force from her, though I couldn't figure out why.

As she rolled to her feet, I flicked around again, going to pull Asajj's saber to myself. I immediately regretted my decision. Never turn your back on your enemy.

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Things are bad ... then maybe they're good ... then maybe they're bad again .... What's going on? Why won't these characters just make up their minds? XD

Hm ... what did Ahsoka throw to Anakin? Why is Asajj pleased? And what does that mean for Anakin?

Thanks heaps for all the reads, everybody! You're amazing! ^.^