Memories

Chapter 12.

Anakin's POV

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No one said much on the flight back to Coruscant. I was glad. I didn't feel like talking. I wasn't looking forwards to the debriefing that the Jedi Council would expect, my mistakes weighing heavily on me. I shouldn't have engaged Asajj by myself, shouldn't have gone ahead without the others, and shouldn't have lost my concentration – again. I was a Jedi: I was supposed to be better than this.

I shifted uncomfortably in my seat, wincing from the pain that burned in my back. To top off my guilt, I bore scars from my failures – both times. So now I couldn't function properly, but I didn't like to let that kind of thing slow me down.

I sighed quietly, my shoulders sagging. Then a thought occurred to me, and I felt a little better. Maybe I could sneak off and see Padmé tonight. But this morning's meeting with her popped into my mind, threatening to snuff out the hope that had surged. She was busy then; she quite possibly would be still.

When we finally landed, my back was burning terribly, but I didn't comment to the others. I didn't want to be more of a pain than I already was.

As we exited the ship, Ahsoka stumbled slightly down the ramp, having misplaced her footing due to the darkness that was draped over Coruscant. I caught her arm and helped steady her, so she flashed me a smile. I frowned at her coolness.

When we entered the Jedi Temple, Obi-Wan glanced at me and broke the silence for the first time since we had left Mandalore. "You should get your wound checked out. Ahsoka and I can," he hesitated for less than a moment, "talk to the Council." I could hear him thinking, "We can face the Council."

I sighed heavily. "No, I'd better come." I didn't add, "And get my punishment."

Obi-Wan pursed his lips but didn't press it any further, so the three of us went to the Council room together. I had to admit that I felt a little better just knowing that Ahsoka and Obi-Wan were at my side.

The Council members stopped speaking when we came in, and Master Yoda acknowledged our bows with a small smile. "Your mission go, how did?"

We hesitated slightly, and I could feel the other two looking to me, so I answered reluctantly. "It didn't go so great."

"Catch Ventress, did you?" he asked kindly, though his tone suggested he already knew the answer.

I shook my head. "No, and it's my fault. I found her on Tatooine but didn't wait for the others, so sh-she overpowered me. We followed her to Mandalore, where she blew up a bomb. I was the first to her again, but I went ahead without Obi-Wan and Ahsoka." My words were coming slower, and I had to force them out of my mouth. "She beat me again and got away." I couldn't bring myself to look at the Jedi, keeping my eyes low.

Mace Windu let out a breath that almost passed for a sigh. "How did this happen? How did you manage to lose her twice?"

"I wasn't focusing," I mumbled, shifting uneasily and inwardly wincing from the pain that shot up my back.

"Speak up, Skywalker," Mace said firmly, tapping his fingertips together.

"I wasn't focusing," I repeated, a little louder this time.

"We expect better from you." His voice was bordering on disappointed. "You're a Jedi Knight and master to a padawan. You have a job to do; you can't get side-tracked!"

"If I may," Obi-Wan cut in quietly, "I believe there is more to this story than first appears. Anakin normally does his duty well, and I feel there is a reason that today did not go to plan."

"But he failed twice, Kenobi," Mace responded shortly. "Once is bad enough, but two times, right after each other? It is unacceptable."

"I understand, Master," he replied patiently, "but as I mentioned, this is unusual for Anakin. Something else is going on."

"He shouldn't let that be an issue," Mace said flatly. "Had he done his job properly, we would have stopped Ventress. He said himself that he didn't wait for you and Tano – twice – and because of that Ventress got away. He knew he should have waited for you, but he went anyway. Why would he do that? Was he testing his powers?" His words, though intended to correct rather than hurt, sliced into me like a thousand tiny icicles.

I could feel Ahsoka looking at me as I stared emotionless at a spot on the patterned floor. I had nothing to say to him. I hadn't waited for Obi-Wan and Ahsoka on Tatooine because I was trying to protect them, and I had got ahead of myself on Mandalore, but that was due to the bomb that had just blown. But I didn't know how to put those thoughts into words. Besides, the pain in my back was doubled by the pain in my heart. I had made a mistake. I knew it. Then I had made another mistake. I knew that, too. I thought I deserved this punishment from Master Windu. It only seemed fair to me, in attempting to correct my failures. It was my fault and therefore mine to take the blame.

"I tol' you to be 'ere half an hour ago," the angry voice of the man towering above me bellowed in my ears. "Wha' were you doin'?"

"I-I," I stammered anxiously, my eyes filling with tears, "I was playing! I f-forgot; I'm s-so sorry!"

"You shou' be!" he snarled, snatching a stick off the counter and approaching me menacingly.

I whimpered, shrinking down as he raised his arm.

"Stop, please!" the gentle voice of one I loved cried, and my mother ran in between me and the man. "Please, he's only young," she begged. "Leave him be."

The man grabbed my mother's wrist, and my heart leapt into my mouth. "For this," he growled, "you'll pay a price. But I'll le' your child go."

I started crying, tears streaming down my face as I watched him raise his arm again, this time over my mother. "No, it's not her fault!" I sobbed. "I did it! Don't make her suffer, please! Nooo!"

"Anakin!"

My eyes snapped open, my breath coming in short gasps and my head swimming from the memory. I was on my knees, listing forwards, still in the Council chambers, and Obi-Wan was kneeling beside me, his hands on my shoulders to prevent me from falling any further forwards. He was watching me anxiously, his blue eyes flicking between mine, as I gazed back at him vacantly, the memory still swirling through my mind.

"Nooo ...."

I sucked in a breath, putting my hand to my forehead. The sudden movement caused pain to riot across my back, and I moaned. 

"Anakin," Obi-Wan was speaking quietly, his voice low, his eyes still fixed on mine. "What's going on?"

"It's-it's ... ugh," I groaned, rubbing my hand across my forehead. The world was spinning so much, I was sure I would have collapsed if Obi-Wan's hands hadn't been anchoring me. "I'm sorry," I mumbled vaguely. "I don't ...." Then the pain and dizziness took over, darkness wrapping itself around me as my body went limp.

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Sorry, Ani! You really aren't having a great day, are you? :(

I don't know if anyone else found the memory with Anakin's mum sad, but I sure did! Rest in peace, Shmi!

And don't we just love Mace? *cries into pillow out of sympathy for poor Ani* Don't we love Obi-Wan? *cries into pillow because of how sweet he is to poor Ani*

Hope yous are enjoying reading! :)