HONESTLY

Forgiveness

I stood in my studio making sure everything was perfect, scanning the room one final time for anything out of place. My nervous energy was palpable. I couldn't sleep that night just thinking about Nate's apology to my father, then his subsequent surprise appearance at the interview. I poured over those events in my mind, along with the jolt I felt when my dad confessed some hard truths to me.

I was left with one choice. I texted Nate and invited him over.

I glanced at myself in the round mirror near the door and adjusted a few rogue hairs falling into my face.

I took a few seconds to analyze myself. I was barely an adult, but had much responsibility, and I just realized I was navigating through life with the wrong map.

As I heard the soft knock on the door, butterflies developed in my stomach.

I opened the door.

Nate stood in front of me with a casual t-shirt on with his impressive biceps peeking out. His cologne permeated the air causing me to slightly tingle inside from the pleasant scent.

He held a bottle of red wine in one hand and tequila in the other.

We both awkwardly said, "Hi," at the same time, then we fell silent.

"I didn't know which one would be better," he said, breaking the weird silence as he motioned to the very different beverages in his hand.

He handed both of the bottles to me as he walked in. I closed the door and followed behind.

"Do you want to sit?" I said pointing to the couch.

Nate took a seat as he nervously rubbed his hands together and glanced around the open space. I placed the bottles on the kitchen counter and walked over to the couch. I thought the start of our conversation would be best without booze as to not cloud our thoughts.

I hesitated on where to sit for a second, finally settling on the opposite side of the couch.

"I like the barn beam," Nate said, pointing to Reed's gift hanging on the wall in front of him.

"Why don't we have some tequila?" I said swiftly standing up again, hoping to change the subject. I instantly realized booze was the only way to get through this conversation.

I headed back to the counter and offered Nate a shot. He seemed slightly surprised at my suggestion to jump right into doing shots, but he was agreeable to whatever I wanted to do.

I walked over to him and handed him one. I quickly drank mine, hoping to retrieve some kind of courage I desperately needed at the moment. We both placed our empty glasses down on the coffee table in front of us.

I retreated back to my seat on the couch. Silence filled the air as we both looked straight ahead, instead of facing one another.

"I appreciate you talking with my dad," I acknowledged, still looking straight ahead.

"I'm glad I did," he said, nodding his head and looking straight forward, too.

I don't know if it was the tequila or just the chain of events leading up to this collision course, but I finally had enough of the "dance" we had been having since we first reunited.

I turned my whole body to face Nate and settled into the corner of my side of the couch.

My eyes were directly fixated on my old, ex-best friend.

"You know, I waited for your call...a text...for a long time. I know you read my texts, " I revealed.

"I read every one of them," he confessed looking down at the ground.