adeniun
Blurb/synopsis
I'll put stars next to your grammatical mistakes.
He was an abomination. He was not supposed to be given birth to. He was a forbidden quabrid. He was the ☆ perfect definition of merciless (you might instead want to say, "he was the definition of merciless." The word perfect kind of oversells it)
Cruel, ruthless, monster, cold, worst nightmare. He was a wolf with fangs and magic. What was he? The king of all supernatural. After ☆1000 [1,000] years of living ☆(there should be a comma) the moon goddess blessed him with a mate. A broken mate. His savior, his queen. Queen of all supernatural. But... she was human. Would she be able to love him with all his beasts? His vampire ☆ (comma here) wolf and demons?
THE BLURB
When I first read the blurb, I hated it. It didn't really make sense to me, and I thought that it was too... spacey. But when I read it again, I realized it was actually quite clever. You just kind of have to do some extra thinking. The difference is though that I'm the editor. I have to go back and read it again to try to understand it. While you want to keep your audience wondering, there is such a thing as too vague. Your audience might not want to do that. They might click on it and be like "what the heck" and set it back down. So maybe dumb it down a bit. Maybe give us more of a glance at the conflict. If you're going to be vague, which I do love, it at least gives us some kind of clues. It makes us, the readers say, "not really sure what this is about, but I want to see how it ends." Maybe you want to ask another inciting question for the blurb than the one you chose at the end. It's kind of overcompensating that the male is some kind of hybrid. I don't hate it. It can use some work but it's not bad at all.
GRAMMAR
The first chapter was so, so, so mesmerizing! I loved the prologue!! Since I know English isn't your first language, I'll just let you know that there were lots of grammatical mistakes. If you want specific help, just PM me and I'll go through all of them with you. People also left comments letting you know of your mistakes and I'm not sure if you saw them or not, but yeah. You are a great writer! As soon as you get English down you'll be unstoppable! I'm impressed.
PLOT
I'm not really sure what the plot is yet...
STORY FLOW
The story flowed well! You gave me a great read!
CHARACTERS
So again, I didn't really feel much of the characters. The story was more focused on the conflict, which isn't bad, but I was hoping for some more descriptions. You're an amazing story teller, but you need to tell more story babe.
OVERALL
I didnt read far enough to give you a full on review so if you want a full review, PM me. I do charge extra though.
The price: vote and comment on any one of my books
You are an amazing writer. You just gotta fix those grammar mistakes darling. And give us a clearer idea of what's going on. Until next time,
Ciao! ✌
Good luck!! PM me for questions (free)
YOU ARE READING
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