Unfiltered Honest Opinions//OPEN

E n t a n g l e m e n t || changmubs

Spelling/Grammar 

No problems in this area for me. I absolutely loved the dialogue. It wa hilarious but simotaneously ominous. It felt almost like dark humor to me, but in a bubbly, light way. More like light sarcasm that was easy to follow and funny. The only thing I would recommend is using  more vibrant words. We see a lot of damn and dammit, so maybe you should change that up a little bit, just so that we don't feel as though you're being overly repetitive, you know? 

Plot 

Can I just say that the opening secret was absolutely perfect? The execution was amazing. It really had me sitting there thinking, "dang what did she do?" But I loved how that wasn't something that was immediately revealed. It was slow and steady but you still built up tension by mentioning it in mysterious bits every so often. Your characters are hilarious and very relatable. I felt as though I was sitting there, watching two real people talk. 

Story flow 

So I feel personally that the story flow was a bit weird. Beverly goes from sad and anxious to kind of going to her day to day life. With such a big thing going on, you'd think that she wouldn't be able to move on so easily. Of course, some people move on fast and easily, so I wouldn't go into a big thing about it, but I would just keep in mind of tone. Tone is very important. In order to keep your audience on edge, you have to keep your character on edge. 

Cover/blurb 

These gotta change babes. 

You have a great story, and a great structure. But your cover makes it look amateur and simplistic. Your blurb does as well. I can't give you any immediate cover ideas, but you might want to try something that specifically speaks to your story but something deep and symbolic. For example, a woman looking being her in the dark. That's just an example of course, and I don't think something like that would necessarily go with your story, but it's something striking and makes you want to click. People choose books with covers that could mean something symbolic, because they often assume the book with be in depht. Your blurb also, is a little... basic. And boring, just to be honest. It's a boring blurb. Reading your blurb and seeing your cover, I did not expect your book to be so advanced. 

You have a great book and a great start. Please keep writing and perfecting your craft. You're doing a good job!