twenty - longing

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i laid on my bed silently, trying to brainstorm for the fiftieth time in the past two days. it was christmas evening, and i still didn't have a present for richie. everything i thought of just seemed wrong, artificial mostly. i wanted to give him something with meaning, but what that object was was a mystery.

i looked out the window for a quick moment, looking at the beautiful painted skies that displayed almost every color of the rainbow imagined. when i looked back the other way, my eyes locked onto the poem that i held onto so tightly. its printed words and its beautifully explained meaning sparked something in me for another day.

i decided what was going to be richie's christmas gift.

i grabbed the page and a pen and quickly wrote a note on the back. the black pen wrote perfectly along the page. once my writing finally came to a stop (or, when i ran out of room), my fingers ran along the folds i made. i slipped the paper into a envelope and stuck a bow on top of it. a smile grew on my face as i set it beside.

"oh, eddie!" my aunt smiled, revealing her crooked teeth. she walked up the pavement in front of my home slowly with a hobble to her step. her face was similar to my mother's except for the nose; my aunt's was slightly larger.

excited

my mom was the only one of of her and her two sisters to have a child, so i was more often than not the center of attention. when i was three or four, i enjoyed it, but the older i got, the more i hated it. it especially got worse when my dad died, but i barely remember him anyways. i remembered frank kaspbrak's smile, and i remembered his voice. the only distinct memory i had of him was him listening to old songs on the radio.

my aunt pinched my face harshly as she made an odd grunting noise. her dry hands felt scratchy on my face. i felt myself become redder and redder from impatience. "hello, aunt d." i muttered, eying the ground as hard as i could. the perfect layer of snow that was once on the ground was now ruined by my aunts' footsteps.

"it's been so long since we've seen you, eddie!" my other aunt complained, walking up the pavement slowly. her swollen left foot dragged along the ground worse than usual, dragging the snow. i didn't answer her, however; i just turned to go inside the house.

when my aunts handed me my gifts and urged me to open them straight away, i didn't have the heart to say no. i just grabbed the small gifts bags and placed them on the carpet, sitting in front of them. for a small moment, my eyes burned into the bags as a prayed that they were not the same as every year, but i knew better than that.

i dug went through all of the gifts one by one. so far, the most exciting gift had been a notebook (which was something i coincidentally needed, since i had finished my writings in my old one). it was a leather covered one with a small loophole for the heavy pen she gave me. the pen felt cold on my hands when i held it up.

i felt uncomfortable sitting on the floor by myself with no cousins or siblings. i always wanted a sibling; i wanted someone else for my mom to focus on. it would've been nice to be able to slip away for a brief moment to collect my own thoughts during christmas instead of eyes being glued on me the entire time. i understood that i was being 'ungrateful' in some people's eyes, but it was just how i felt.

i sighed quietly as the last bag stood in front of me. the bag was blue and covered with printed snowflakes. my hand reached to take off the white tissue paper.

once the layer of tissue paper was removed, i looked into the first bag. salt water taffies were stockpiled into into the snowflake patterned bag. various colors and flavors were displayed as i looked across the paper colored candies. i forced a small smile and looked up at my anticipating aunt. "i know they're your favorite!" she smiled widely, displaying her crooked teeth. she was wrong, though; they were my dad's favorite.

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