HONESTLY

Bitter

I didn't know much, but I was smart enough to realize I had just broken up with a great guy.

Lily sat on my ruffled, white comforter in my bedroom at the farmhouse as I started to pack for the trip back home.

"So...he is a World Studies teacher, second year, and he coaches the freshman football team," she said, like an investigative reporter.

As I folded random clothes and placed them in my open suitcase that lay on the other side of the bed, I could only nod and let the information about Nate marinate in my brain for a second.

"Interesting."

I could've done the search myself, but Lily thought I should just focus on other things, which probably was for the best.

Deep inside my core, Nate sat there like a scabbing wound that never quite healed. Seeing his name on the letter from the school seemed to rip away some of that healing and expose the inevitable, I really needed to find some closure before pretending I was strong enough to be in a semi-mature relationship.

As I finished packing my bag, I tried listening to Lily go on and on about the schedule, but all I could do was think about how bitter I felt about the whole visit.

My father, Lily, and I were picked up at the airport by a black Suburban with tinted windows. We decided to drive by our old house before heading to the high school where I would meet some of the administration and check out the venue before the concert the next day.

The car slowly pulled up to our old house and stopped. My father's expression went from anticipation to almost regret, like he wished things had never changed.

As I pondered the events that led to this exact moment, I knew the inevitable would happen.  I swung my head around to look at Nate's house across the street. As I looked at the colonial I spent so much time at, Jenna, probably around ten-years-old, walked out of the front door. Little did she know that the blacked out car parked across the street was her second family a lifetime ago.

I was hoping my dad wouldn't notice the pigtailed, cutie over at Nate's, but he unfortunately couldn't miss her. I think the sight of the girl my mother spent so much time with formed a pit in his stomach realizing those days were gone and so was his adoring wife.

A drive-by was all we could handle, even though Lily seemed like she was genuinely interested in where I grew up. She even asked if we wanted to knock on the door of our old house and see if we could sneak-a-peek inside. My father and I assured her the visit was unnecessary.

We began to drive to our next destination, my old high school.

When the car slowly came to a stop outside the brick building, the memories of high school flooded my brain, like it was yesterday. My hands started to sweat. I nervously tried wiping them on my white jeans until Lily interrupted, handing me a tissue from her enormous, designer bag of "tricks" as she liked to call it. She was the assistant who thought of everything before it happened, that's why she was the best person to handle me.

As the driver got out of the car, I realized I had no clue if today was the day I would be coming face to face with Nate. My father knew there was a possibility of this reunion, and he reassured me everything would be fine. He could say that because he was looking in from the outside.

During my friendship with Nate, my mom was way closer to the situation because of the bond she had with Lynn. My father and Nate's dad were beer buddies, and that was the extent of the relationship. Other than building the treehouse, Nate's dad was always too busy with work. If Jenna was nagging him for attention, and he was too tired to play, he'd ask Nate to fill in for him.

Even though my father didn't fully realize the situation, he was always encouraging and there for me when I needed him the most, like that day.

As we were about to get out of the car, my father gave me a tap on my knee and asked if I was ready.

I simply nodded as the driver opened the door. I stepped out of the car and immediately noticed how quiet it was, almost ominous. I knew students wouldn't be there, that was by design so we didn't need any security. This visit was just an informal meeting between administration and my entourage of two, but still for a high school, there was not much activity going on.

As the three of us approached the double doors to the school, a man in a suit emerged from within the building with a welcoming smile on his face.

"Hello Nicky, we are so grateful you could come," he said, holding the door with one hand and extending the other to me.

I cordially smiled back and shook his hand.

"I wouldn't have missed it," I said.

"I'm Mark Gould, the principal here," he said as he showed us into the building.

"Very nice to meet you."

I proceeded to introduce Lily and my father as we chatted down the hall. Mr. Gould explained we would be meeting the music director, Mr. Whethers, who was my mentor when I was at the school and the person who I was most looking forward to seeing.

He also mumbled we would be meeting "other" faculty members which was way too vague for my liking, I just wanted to know if a particular World Studies teacher would be gracing us with his presence, once and for all.

The familiar halls looked the same, and I remembered my way around pretty well. When we got to the auditorium, I knew we had reached our final destination. As Mark pushed open the doors, I felt a rush of emotions go through my body, mostly panic.

This was it, the moment I had been dreading.