𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐁𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐭 | 𝐋𝐂𝐃𝐏

𝐕𝐈 | 𝐃𝐢𝐬𝐜𝐢𝐩𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐞

꧁__________꧂

The door swung open exhibiting a dispirited Berlin, slumping down on a chair. His hair was ruffled and his mysterious brown eyes were clouded, dark thoughts storming around in his mind like a thunderstorm. He pulled a cigarette to his lips before staring down at us all. "Do any of you smoke?" 

A woman sobbing beside me, shook her hand, as he twitched the lighter off and shoved it back into his pocket. "Fine, I don't want to be held responsible for harming any of your young lungs"

"Do you all feel comfortable, altogether, not knowing the terrors, the shots, the blood, the operations? I must come here more often, away from all the complexities down below," he said as his hands trembled.

Something had happened that had fucked him up in some way, I just didn't know what.

"Tonight, I called a friend," he said as his voice started to quiver. He looked as if he was about to cry, If I wasn't on the verge of tears myself I would have gloated in his face.

"And I told him about how difficult it had started to become preserving order and equanimity, I told him... That I had to do something very bad... That I had to kill someone"

Adriana craned her neck around staring aghast at Berlin's face. I held my calm facade trying not to break like the others. It hasn't even been the second day and I was starting to lose my mind.

"I told him that I gave him the order to kill... A woman, The thing is, in my world without putting a dead body on the table, nobody respects you, I did what I had to do."

"And you see when I told him the news, it almost felt like I could feel his despondency through the phone. His wretchedness, his emotional storm erupting inside of him. I could feel it. I could feel it all"

"He hasn't been here, he's never met the woman in his entire life, Monica Gaztambide was her name" He paused dramatically trying to catch his breath, shoving his tears back down his throat, as I felt the sobs rise in the back of my neck.

I wanted to throw up, I had seen blood, spit, sweat, and tears and I felt nothing more than to just throw up all the horrors, I had seen.

I had seen death before, I had experienced the pain and I've seen the blood and all the anxiety it does to you, but I was stuck in this cage and I was feeling the walls caving in. I couldn't take all this shit anymore.

"For a moment, it felt magnificent to experience what he was feeling, to share his emotions. To feel those kinds of feelings... that affliction, that repentance but no... those things just don't move me the way other things do"

"It's dreadful, Isn't it?" he said smoothing his hands over his face as I sobbed into my knees. All I wanted was to go home, to get out, I would even be willing to jump off the roof if it meant that during the last few seconds of my life, I could feel the sun on my skin and the wind whistling through my hair.

"I'm bothering you all with my nonsense, you have to excuse me"

"Miss Carillo," he said, as my tear-stained face shot up, my cold blue eyes staring at Berlin's face.

"Miss Carillo" he repeated, as I tried to stop my chest from heaving.

"You're having a mental breakdown aren't you?"

"She's just a bit stressed she'll be fine," Adriana said rubbing her hand on my back. All I needed right now was a hug, a warm cup of coffee and a book. But popping down to the gift store didn't seem like an option for me.

"Sure it will pass, come with me," he said extending out his arm.

"Miss Carillo, give me your hand" he ordered as I apprehensively grabbed his arm, feeling the nerves suddenly stop jittering around inside me. He calmed me down to some extent.