braincells at 3am

wanting

it's been a while, since i've actually wanted to spend time with someone.

most of the time, i don't mind spending time with people. if you sent me a message, i would reply you. if you called me, i would pick up the call. if you made plans with me, i would never cancel on you.

but it's not the same, as actually having the need to hear someone's voice, to see them in person, to feel their touch. it's different.

you feel some kind of unexplainable joy after spending time with someone you want to connect with. it makes you want to go back for more. and now, i never go back for more. i leave things as it is. because being too greedy causes problems.

but:
i miss having that desire for someone.
i miss feeling such strong emotions.
i miss wanting to be with someone.

it may be better this way. i'm getting comfortable with being alone now. there's also less attachment when people decide to leave.

thank you, for teaching me this. or what i would say, for breaking me.