Black Coffee :|: America x Russia :|: Countryhumans

(OPT. B) Chapter Sixty-Two

Ahhhhg, I'm sorry this is so late!! I was away last week filming something and I'm completely fucking exhausted. Plus, it can be literally draining to write this book.

TRIGGER WARNING

Descriptions of eating disorders
Suicial thoughts

~~~~~~~~

America had broken a lot of promises in his lifetime.

When he was 10, he promised his dad to never touch Aussie's Nutella unless he was told he could have it. But one day he got a familiar craving for sugar and scooped out whole spoonfuls, ending up with a crying sister and an annoyed father.

When he was 13 he promised his teacher that he had written his assignment purely himself, that no one else had helped him. Not at all true. He had been trying to figure out how to write the damn thing when Canada swooped in and saved him by putting it into words.

1 week ago he promised Russia he was doing just fine.

But as he lay there on the bathroom tiles, helplessly wheezing and struggling to keep his eyes open, he realised this wasn't a promise he should have broken.

It didn't help that he was alone. Not quite like last time. Last time Morning had gotten drunk and disappeared. When she finally popped back into existence she didn't expect to see America lying almost passed out next to a toilet that reeked of whatever alcohol he had consumed that night.

When she started freaking out he tried to explain it away, saying that the alcohol just made him sick. Most any person would probably believe that - that is what alcohol does after all.

But Morning wasn't just any person.

She had been with him his whole life, after all. She knew his track record with promises. And his health.

Its not like he could help it really. It just slowly became addicting seeing those numbers slowly go down. It felt good to be able to eat whatever the fuck he wanted, as much as he wanted, without any repercussions.

But as with everything in life, his little addiction didn't come without consequence.

When he came out and had to seek Italy's help, he began to spiral. He felt like everything was spinning wildly out of control: his family didn't love him which meant he had to impose on Italy which meant he was constantly stressed which meant he was failing school which meant no future which meant no money which meant dying slowly on the side of the street begging for scraps.

In a desperate search for something to have some sort of control over, America latched onto his good old maladaptive coping mechanism. Watching the numbers on the scale rapidly go down while still being able to eat away his feelings.

He began feeling tired all the time, always low on energy and never really wanting to do things. Even things he liked. Sometimes he got stomach aches so bad he couldn't move all day.

Italy eventually got too worried to let him just deal with it and took him to the hospital. Turns out the bad stomach pains he had been feeling wasn't just a random fluke. He had a stomach ulcer - and a bad one. Turns out throwing up everyday wasn't good for your body. Who would've guessed.

That was his first real run in with danger. Another was in his first year of uni, after his massively traumatising break up with Philip. Once more he buried his feelings in food, felt bad about how he looked, and then started spiralling down again. This time he was admitted to hospital because he decided to stop eating for a bit, mainly because he knew he was spending too much money on food and couldn't afford it any more. He ended up passing out while NATO was telling him how to do basic equations with his dumb ADHD brain and woke up in hospital the next day.