"I've been taught that girls have no value, and he's the only one who assures me that I do."
Soleil is a girl. A young woman. A female. She couldn't hate it more, because in her society that cursed gender makes her expendable.
The war that was wrou...
I take a bite of beans, staring at all the children and families littering the room. There's countless mothers, all of them up to their neck in kids. It's what we're taught here. If you're a woman, you make children. Repopulation and all that.
There's nothing wrong with it as long as they're happy, and some of them do really look happy here with their husbands, children, and sister wives, as odd as it is. Even from the time I was little I knew it was wrong for a man to have multiple women. Some are favorited, while others are ignored, some get more attention, while others watch the children. It truly disturbed me. It still does.
Is it so wrong to want to be someone's only love? Is it impossible to have a monogamous relashionship? Is it selfish to want to be the only woman in a man's heart?
I don't think so, but I've been taught the opposite.
"Soleil." The name isn't something I like hearing sometimes, especially by that southern drawl.
"Yes, ma'am?" I turn to see Momma standing there, a hand on her hip. She's not even looking at me, but has her dark eyes hooked on my friend. Elodie awkwardly clears her throat. She shifts her wary gaze back and forth between myself and the woman who gave birth to me.
"I'm gonna go." She mumbles, all but fleeing the scenes as Momma slides in across from me.
The woman is all grace, and I applaud her for her ability to make someone run away without a word. Momma observes myself and my food with a tight smile.
"Where were you all morning?" I chew my food and openly stare at her, altogether ignoring the questing, because she should already know. She spent years chasing me into the woods to capture me and drag me back, she gave up the hunt a long time ago, and now she just guilt trips me when I get back.
Oddly enough, it still doesn't work.
"I told you that you should go talk to Harrison today. He's interested in you, you know." Oh, I know alright. I know that Harrison is obviously gay and he's being forced to pick out his very first wife. His parents have no idea, even if it wasn't obvious enough, he's told me a time or two. I feel bad for the kid, he's only 18 after all, and his Dad is shoving the ladies down his throat.
Everyone assumes that the two of us will end up together, but I couldn't do that to him, or myself. If I married him, it would only be a matter of time before he had to marry again, and again. We have plenty of girls to go around.
The only reason people expect for us to end up together is because we're both part of high ranking families here in the Group. My Mother is married to the Vice President, and Harrison's Dad is the Director of Operations. It's like a politically fueled arranged marriage.
Despite the fact that society has literally crumbled, people always find a way to arrange their own government and forms of power. People of power always abuse it, it's something widely known. Our community is no different.
The higher your ranking, the more wives you're allowed to have.
"I'm not marrying Harrison." I say, completely decided, though I've already known for quite some time.
I don't want to marry anyone here to be honest. What I want is to run, even if Elodie won't let me. I just can't help feeling like I'm meant for something different than this, something more. This place doesn't feel permanent, even if it does feel like I've been here for an eternity already.
"If you don't, you'll still have to marry someone. It's the way things are. You are very desirable to men. I only want to help you, do what's best for you." Momma insists, her voice calm and her face composed, a fire of determination burning behind her eyes. It's my Mom's wish for me to be safe here, secured. I think she's seen a few things that she won't tell me about, like when people from the compound go missing. It's a side of our society that's hidden. She's trying to protect me from that.
I brush that part off and focus on the first half, always hating that word. I'm desirable? Yeah right. I have curves on curves, and I'm short and stout. The only reason guys want me is because I'm good for bearing children. I'm considered extremely fertile. Not to mention the fact that I'm Latina. That seems to be fetishized in these parts. It's disgusting.
I don't answer my Mother, instead I look down at my food, no longer hungry. My appetite has officially vanished.
"I'm not a trophy to be added to someone's collection. I'm a person with a heart and soul, and I want to make my own choices." I declare, and Momma's eyes widen on me. Even though I didn't raise my voice, she still glances around to make sure that no one heard me.
Heaven forbid someone knows that I'm a free thinker. That could get me in trouble. I can't seem to care.
Before she can answer, I stand up and grab my tray with shaky fingers, walking away quickly. I want to get as far away from her as possible. I want to get as far away from this place as possible. It's not fair, it's not right. Just because I'm a woman doesn't mean I shouldn't get choices.
Well, this girl is going to make her own destiny.
Ups! Tento obrázek porušuje naše pokyny k obsahu. Před publikováním ho, prosím, buď odstraň, nebo nahraď jiným.
