Unexpected

Chapter 21

“That’s hard to imagine,” Alex slumped in his chair, looking heart broken.

“Look, I’m not trying to be mean; I’m trying to be realistic. If we didn’t talk this through now, we’d be doing it in three months, or six months, or however long it would take me to realize that I couldn’t just live my life through your’s.”

“I realize that but we have to be together to be able to work through all of this. What’s becoming quite clear is that you think very little of my life -- despite your implications, it is not a bloody fairytale,” he said, showing his temper for the first time in our discussion, which immediately made me angry as well.

“I know that, I’m sorry, but I think you’re oversimplifying things. This would be a massive undertaking for both of us, especially given how our relationship started. We’ve never even had an argument, we don’t know how to exist in the real world!”

“I think this now constitutes an argument, so we’re that much closer to being this ‘real’ couple you think we need to be.”

I ignored that comment entirely. “Did it even cross your mind that I would say no? Did you just assume I would be delighted by the offer and immediately hop on a plane with you back to England?” I asked, knowing the answer.

“No, of course not.” I could see by his face that that’s exactly what he expected.

We sat in silence for a moment.

“We love each other, why can’t we make this work?” he said sadly.

“As nice as it sounds, ‘all you need is love’ is a lie,” I said, then inwardly cringed as I realized I had inadvertently quoted John Mayer again. I absolutely wasn’t going to bring that up to Alex at this tense moment. “Real life requires a lot more than two people just loving each other, there’s got to be a partnership between equals, there’s got to be some give and take.”

“And you’re such an expert on relationships now?” he all but sneered.

I sucked in a breath. “That’s low, Alex. I don’t need half a dozen failed relationships under my belt like you to realize that a partnership where one person has all the power and the other one essentially exists only to orbit around that person is doomed.”

“Jesus, you act like I’m asking you to be my prostitute or something -- that’s not what I want at all! I want you to be my girlfriend, Charlie, in real life; I want to try to move what we had in Mustique to London, I want you to be a part of my everyday life and I want to be part of yours.”

“But you’re being so naive about this, can’t you see that? What we had on Mustique, as lovely and amazing as it was, does not translate easily to the real world, particularly your reality. It’s easy to be happy and in love when you have no pressures or stressors, when you’re quite literally on vacation from everyday life.”

“So you don’t really love me, is that it? Or you could only love me in a place where I’m free from all that comes along with my title? I realize that it’s a lot, that I’m not a particularly attractive package when you really think about it, but I thought you cared enough about me that you would be willing to deal with all that. If that’s all too much for you, if you’re not even willing to TRY, for God’s sake, then what you call love is pretty weak, in my opinion.”

“That’s bullshit, I love you with everything that’s in me!” I shouted, then took a deep breath to try to calm myself down, so we could talk about this reasonably. “But if I do what you’re asking, if I gave up who I am to be with you, then neither of us would like me very much in a short amount of time. I wouldn’t be me and I’d hate myself for it and then I’d hate you for it.”

“So this is it then, you’re not even willing to try?”

“Not with what you’re offering, Alex, I’m sorry. I can’t be the only one giving, I just can’t.”

“I was a fool for coming here, for thinking that you loved me like I love you,” Alex stood. “I’d like you to leave.”

“Are you kidding?” I couldn’t believe this was happening, that Alex was talking to me like that.

“No, I’m not. I honestly cannot stand to look at you right now, it hurts too much. Robert or Chris can drive you home.”

“Thanks,” I said sarcastically, “but I have my own car. I guess I’ll just see myself out.”

As I turned to leave, I couldn’t help but ask, “Is this really how you want things to end? You don’t want to try to figure this out, together?”

“Goodbye, Charlotte.”

“Goodbye, Prince Alexander.” I said formally, as I didn’t feel like I knew him at that moment.

I stalked to the door and opened it, then paused again in the doorway. “What will you do? What will you tell the press? I’m sure they’ll hear that you came here and they’re going to wonder what went wrong.”

“The two things I value most in this world, besides my family, are my privacy and my independence. I don’t get a lot of either, which I suppose is why they’re so important to me. I’ve never commented on any of my relationships before and I’m not going to do it now,” he said dismissively.

It stung that Alex was lumping what was between us in with all his other relationships and I wonder if he intended to hurt me because he was upset with my rejection or if was truly how he felt. As it didn’t much matter, I left then, walking briskly to the elevators. As I waited, I kept thinking that Alex would come running down the hall to stop me but it didn’t happen.

My anger carried me through the walk to my car and the drive home. When I walked into our apartment, it was quiet -- Maggie and Jack must be out shopping or getting lunch. I hadn’t realized that I had been holding it together for them, assuming they would be there, until I fell to my knees in the front hall, sobs shaking my entire body. I curled into the fetal position on the floor and cried until I had no tears left.