His Name Is Trouble

39. Leave.

Chapter 39: Leave.

"How are you feeling?" I ask Zachary as we walk back to his car.

"Numb." He says and I nod.

"That's normal." I say, clutching my purse in my hands.

"I'm sorry." He says and I stare at him in confusion.

"For what?" I scoff.

"It's been eating at me for a week now." Zachary says, pulling at his hair.

"What has?" I ask him and he just stares at me.

"How are you so cool about all this?" He asks me.

"Cool about what? Look, what are you talking about?" I ask him.

"Me, Sierra, now Drew. You're always there, Vee. And I don't know why you're not mad at me." He says, staring at me.

"For what?" I ask, moving my hair out of my face.

"For choosing someone else." He blurts out.

"I've given up on you, Zach. You thought I'd keep wanting you even when you didn't want me back." I tell him, trying my hardest not to cry.

"I'm sorry." Is all he says and I give him a sad smile.

"You're always sorry." I tell him.

"I just wanted a fresh start and I didn't check in with you first. I totally neglected how you felt." He says, grabbing my hand.

"You've done that for years, Zach." I let out a sigh.

"That's why I'm apologizing now." He says, rubbing my hands with his.

"Your apology means nothing to me. Can't you see that you do this every time? You pick someone else. You never choose me." I yell at him.

"I know. I just wanted you to know that I'm sorry. I just don't want us to pretend like we don't know each other when we get to Bradford. I still want you to be my friend, Vee." He says, staring at me with hopeful eyes.

"Your friend?" I ask. "I can't do it." I tell him as a tear rolls down my cheek.

"What?" He asks, dumbfounded.

"I can't pretend like nothing happened between us. Friends don't do the things we've done, Zach." I tell him.

"I know that, but I need to protect Sierra." He says and my heart sinks in my chest.

"And what happens to me, huh? You're just going to walk away?" I ask him.

"I'm not walking away." He whispers.

"You're a coward." I yell, shoving his chest.

"How am I a coward?" He asks me, raising his voice.

"You'd rather be with someone new because you don't want to commit to anything or anyone. You don't want to commit to me. You're scared." I say, calling him out.

"That's not true. I wanted us to work, but you wouldn't even tell your mother about us." He yells back.

"That was in the beginning but I told her eventually didn't I? I did everything for you, hell I'm going to Bradford because of you." I retort.

I guess I didn't want to admit to myself that I was going to Bradford because I wanted to be with Zachary, but now that he's with someone else I feel really stupid. I shouldn't have rejected Harvard.

I'm so dumb.

"What did you want me to do?" He asks, gripping my shoulders.

"I wanted you to fight for me. I wanted you to tell me that there's nobody else and that you'd rather be alone than be with someone who wasn't me." I tell him as I hit his hard chest.