All Up In My Head [Completed]

1 Not A Saint

“Ano?” singhal niya dito.

He smiled. “Kain muna tayo? Lunch?” Her skin crawled. There’s not even half of remorse in his face. Lalong uminit ang kanyang dugo. He’s acting like what happened last year didn’t matter.

Lila gritted her teeth before saying, “Jace, wala nang tayo. Ano bang hindi mo maintindihan do’n?”

He grimaced and replied, “Hindi pa ba sapat ‘yong oras na binigay ko? Akala ko...” Yumuko ito at bahagyang umiling.

Freshmen year, when she met Jace. She was stupid to fall for his trap. He’s hot, kind and an engineering student. All her wits escaped out of her body that night when they shared their first kiss. If only she could take that back.

There he is again with his usual pathetic look. Watching him right now, disgusts her. Sinubukan nitong hawakan siya. She flinched with his touch. Tama na, hindi na natin ‘to gagawin ulit, she thought to herself.

“You were never sorry, weren’t you?”

Lila waited for his answer. Kahit isang apology lang baka tanggapin niya pa. When there was none, she finally walked away from him. Never to look back again, she swore to herself.

Starting this school year, no boys for her. Especially no engineering student. Lila decided to focus her time on acads, being an assistant student and finishing her thesis on time. But from time to time, her eyes would revert to that floral umbrella hanging behind her door.

Lila started arranging the books back to their shelves. The smell of old and new books is heaven. Hindi niya alam kung bakit hindi siya kaagad nagpa-assign sa library. Instead she spent her first two school years inside the accounting office. Ang puno’t dulo ng break up nila.

May isa pang libro na natitira. Dumirecho siya sa Filipiniana section kung saan madalas na walang tao. She pushed the empty cart aside and look for the code.

“Ewan, fuck b-bilisan mo,” malandi ang daing ng isang babae. Nanlalaki ang mga mata ni Lila sa narinig. Mukhang sa kabilang isle nangyayari ang isang kababalaghan.

“Impatient, are we?” A man softly chuckled.

“Don’t act all saintly, Ewan.” The girl moaned after.

Wala na talagang pinipiling lugar ang mga taong ‘to. Wala ba silang pang-motel? Ang cheap talaga ng mga Gustavians. Dali-dali siyang naglakad palayo ngunit nahigit niya ang cart. It produced a screeching sound.

She looked back and gasped. After catching a glimpse of the two people between the spaces of the shelves, she swiftly ran. Mamaya niya na lang kukunin ang cart. She’s not a saint but she has no plans of witnessing such scandalous scene.

“Friend, okay ka lang?” bungad ni Shane sa kanya.

“O-oo naman,” mabilis niyang sagot.

Napatingin siya sa digital clock. It’s quarter to five. Pwede na silang mag-logout. Kaagad niyang niligpit ang mga gamit. Nakita niya naman si Shane na nag-aayos ng make-up nito.

“Kain tayo?” aya nito. Agad siyang napatingin sa kanyang wallet ngunit inakbayan siya ng kaibigan.

“Ako nang bahala. Ang kuripot mo talaga,” Shane commented.

“Matipid lang,” pagkaklaro niya.

Shane has been a good friend to her since they were both assigned in the library. Pareho silang scholar ng Gustavio. Ito lang yata ang naging totoong kaibigan niya sa uni. Kapag freshmen talaga, hindi dapat inuuna ang kalandian. Hindi tuloy siya nagkaroon ng intact na barkada.

Sabay nilang tinungo ang elevator. Shane was telling a story about her crush. Nag-reply na raw ito. Tango lang siya nang tango. Support naman siya kahit sino pa ang piliin nito.

“I-add mo siya,” ika ni Shane.

Lila stand frozen on her feet. This is definitely the guy at the Filipiniana section. His first two buttons are undone. His hair is unruly. Was it from the wild tussling? She doesn’t want to know. Kasama nito ang isang mestisang babae. Agad siyang napayuko nang bahagya habang papasok sa elevator.

Please, don’t look at me.

Please, don’t look at me.

Paulit-ulit niyang litanya sa utak.

As if on cue, both their gazes met on the mirror. That look on his face. He’s... He was the umbrella guy! Hindi niya makakalimutan ang mga mata nitong tila nakangiti lagi. The woman beside him snaked her hands around his arms. She almost rolled her eyes.

The door slid open. Three people got inside. Hinila niya si Shane palabas.

“Lila, second floor pa tayo...” Shane reminded her. Nagsitinginan ang iilan sa kanila.

“Are you joining us?” That guy asked, tilting his head. She can almost see the smug look on his face. Why does she have to be impulsive?

“Tara...” pumasok ulit sila sa loob. He pressed the button and the door closed. She bit her lip in embarrassment. Wala naman siyang kasalanang ginawa kaya bakita siya pa ang nahihiya para sa ginawa ng malalanding ‘to? Saka akala niya talaga ay nasa baba na sila kanina.

Mahinang tumawa ang kanyang kaibigan. “Anong nangyayari sa’yo?” bulong nito. She shook her head. It was just a floor away but it felt the longest elevator ride.